yeah so it turns out that you don’t actually have free will. Robert reagan’s ghost just told me that it’s not okay that you went to the movie theater alone and the cops actually have your name and address.
sending myself into a manic episode by screaming “i’m a preacher of a new generation!!” at myself in the mirror over and over again because i’m bored and don’t have enough money to go buy beer
TIMOTHY CHALAMET: nobody gives a fuck about a guy cranking an organ grinder.
ME: you stupid fucking piece of shit
TIMOTHY CHALAMET: and nobody gives a fuck about the monkey with a little hat going around and collecting tips
ME: philistine. Uncultured Swine
We’re watching Bluey and one of her friend’s dads is in the army. I say “This is propaganda and that guy is a murderer.” My wife asks what is wrong with me and my kid tells me to “shut up.” I’m out of here. Time to get drunk. Fuck these people.
If we referred to the number 342 as “bludgeoned and hurt” instead of “three hundred and forty two”, we’d probably have a joke along the lines of “Why was 340 afraid of 341?”. Plus because of the butterfly effect dinosaurs might still be around
"Nirvana the Band is a way for you to still experience that homosexual thrill with your parents sitting right next to you" — Matt Johnson https://t.co/QQVnOWW1HJ