Smooth Bear

A terrible idea implemented poorly.

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

[in perfect Dothraki] Irreconcilable differences?!?

[Amanita Virosa @AmanitaVirosa2]

I'm cooking the books, I'm making book lasagna

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

You’re really charming and funny. I like that in a guy who hates himself.

[bobby @bobbylikesbeers]

first date idea we go to therapy

[jo @whatsJo]

Oh I get it. Fun onions.

[Robert Bonnett @RoBonnett79]

Driving in traffic is a good opportunity to practice philosophy.

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

I'm not like other girls. I'm stuck in a well.

[Olivia Moore @omooretweets]

White smoke seen billowing out of the data centers

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

When Bigfoot was a baby, everyone said, "Oh, my! What a big boy! He's going to be a pro football player when he grows up!" But he’s just another monstrous forest hobo.

[Everything Price Sufferer (but especially eggs) @agraybee]

I didn't know Helen of Troy could generate so much conflict.

[tendollar @tendollardanny]

never put all your elephants in one room

[Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer]

When I’m eating shared nachos I’m always thinking 3 nacho moves ahead of my opponent.

[YONEWT 🆒 @yonewt]

IT’S A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET FUCKFACE WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE

[Paige Kellerman @PaigeKellerman]

Look, I’m not here to make excuses. But if you need one, I’m pretty good at it.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

I understand why roosters scream every morning.

[love drops @lovedropx]

BILF (book I'd like to finish)

[frye @___frye]

has RFK tried just coughing really hard

[Smooth Bear @SmoothBear]

@dylanpayneplus @the_cats_meowww Now that’s the face of a man who has conquered Mt Everest

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

I’m not proud of it but if Forrest Gump started talking to me on a bench I’d have left

[Keys @u_n_l_0_c_k_e_d]

If you die in TurboTax you die in real life