Southern Musings

Mother of cows. House of Moos. Professional asshole wrangler. Southern af. Horny for @SoccerMomBod.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

I just found out that one of my closest friends for over a decade has tried to slit my throat professionally . How’s your Monday?

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

Pro tip: please don’t let your small children wander into patient treatment areas in a hospital and grab medical equipment while you’re playing Candy Crush on your phone.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

I thought I had seen everything until I saw our 6’7, 366 pound FedEx delivery man walk into my office singing Pink Pony Club.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

I feel like waking up in a man’s shirt with his arms around me would fix me.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

@LuckyFrog44 Congratulations! You make a beautiful couple!

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

@Jsheff001 Found my new haircut

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

When women say they need “me time” it could mean a trip to Target, a bubble bath, Starbucks, mutilating the bodies of their exes, or just a day trip to Costco.

[That Bomb Munchkin @Bombmunchkin]

I'd rather never eat peanut butter again than be your TC.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

@Jsheff001 I need one of those shirts

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

My best friend said I need this shirt because I’m always the one who gets to pinch hit when it’s time to hurt ALL of the feelings.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

If I was as hot as @ANGELAWHITE, it would be over for some of you whores.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

@katy_fit Happy birthday to your miracle child! ❤️

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

No, YOU are singing songs from The Greatest Showman while waiting for your coffee in your office.

[Art E McFly @SabotagedSmoke]

No matter the aches & pains, you don't REALLY realize you've gotten old until your favourite bands start playing casino gigs

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

No, YOU did just did an interpretative dance with a makeshift rhythm ribbon made with your pointer and toilet paper this morning.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

This is what we mean by yellow snow in Alabama.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

@Rustygunt 😂😂😂😂Welcome back, stranger! ❤️

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

Welcome to the South where the humidity makes my hair bigger than my attitude and your dick.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

@JustRadEnough Oh. My. GOD.

[Southern Musings @SouthernMuse1]

I’m not a size 0, I eat carbs, and my ass jiggles when I walk.