Major D Malpas

Purveyor of poor quality twitter output. Knob gags, cat pics and memes of fat people falling over a speciality.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

Snotter the first time we've sent reps across for Tartan Week I suppose. Take it easy out there and watch out for bogeys.

[Presiding Officer @POScotParl]

As Tartan Week celebrates its 25th Anniversary, @fincarson, @CStevensonSNP and I look forward to celebrating our shared heritage with Scots around the world.

We look forward to meeting counterparts in New York, the Canadian @OurCommons @SenateCA and @AssnatQc

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

Is this a snotter I see before me?

[Presiding Officer @POScotParl]

As Tartan Week celebrates its 25th Anniversary, @fincarson, @CStevensonSNP and I look forward to celebrating our shared heritage with Scots around the world.

We look forward to meeting counterparts in New York, the Canadian @OurCommons @SenateCA and @AssnatQc

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@angelauk1900 Don't be too hard on them, there are only circa 40,000 accountancy firms in the UK to choose from. Not easy.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@elrick1 @BrianSpanner1 @SmallGingerGirl 'GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE'

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@Bondson007 Ten-ten good buddy.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@KeithRSteele Its child abuse.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@JimSpenceDundee @FacundoSavala Broons. Or was it Oor Wullie this year?

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@nats_tired Too early to disband the unit.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@linda_holden767 I hope the Tories put up someone good. Maybe @LukeGrahamUK would stand again? That's the only choice if you want Nicholson out.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

This is starting to look a bit better.

Greatest sadness would be the effete arsehole that is John Nicholson holding Ochil and South Perthshire. He's done SFA for constituents and just grifting a comfortable lifestyle. Tactical voting could end him; we could do this.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

"Stay out of the black and into the red..... Mike Russell, look what you would've won. But you don't go home empty handed, you get the mobile independence unit!"

Super, smashing, great.

[Widmerpool Appreciation Society @AtticumFloreat]

Meanwhile, Frankie Boyle used Katie Price's son's disabilities as the butt of his jokes on stage. But he grew a beard and did progressive so it's all cool where he's concerned.

https://t.co/r6cIw1Q04i

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@ianssmart Not even I believe that and I'm right gullible me.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, but he did NOT give women penises.

This is a bloke who groped two women and exposed HIS penis on a work video call.

That is all.

[Daily Mail @DailyMail]

Transgender who groped two female church volunteers and exposed 'her penis' on work video call is jailed https://t.co/jmhun8aOtb

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@sweirz Watched episode 3 of the new series of Succession last night. Gutted.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@StephenCVGraham Someone do me a favour and ask Stephen why he hates me? We were regular correspondents back in the day and I valued his advice on the war with France.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@StephenCVGraham - can you see this tweet?

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@Barking_Cairns @JoyousCivic Back to basics I think. Vote for someone who you think is going to be interested in the community they represent and might best help you with any issues as might arise. But not the nationalist because they have only one priority and it ain't you or the people in your town.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@JoyousCivic Often met with constituents in the wee coffee shop in Kinross, Unorthodox Roasters - mega approachable.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@JoyousCivic We had a really good Conservative MP before him. Luke Graham was his name. Always in the constituency and really approachable. It was awful to see him lost to that great non-entity.

[Major D Malpas @SpartacusLives]

@JimQuirkESQ @RepKevinBoyle Bravo, bravo that man.