botanical boy

somewhere in the middle of teenage angst and midlife crisis

[8. @8akuaa]

Trench coats are lovely but there’s a thin line between looking like inspector gadget or a fashion babe

[eevie @0xeevie]

i need to delete all my social media and start a bakery

[Monte. @monteDDR]

i miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur

[krimbo @fuckasparagus]

it starts raining and all of a sudden everyone forgets how to drive. fuck israel

[krill @anthraxp1mp]

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight

[Sharon✨😋 @sharonpeculia]

when guys pee do they hold it like a joint or a cigarette ?? 🤔

[hersch @tittyrespecter]

my cat used to run the block like prime von but he keeps getting beaten up recently. i think he's washed

[Ḧ̷͇͉͇́̌̾̑̉͗̈͘͜e̴̢̥͒̅̊̊̉̀̕͝͠͝l̶̗̟͚͙̫̦͔̬̱̼͂̾̀e̸̩͋͋n̶ @helen_mrow]

It’s okay to feed your car a curb as a little treat sometimes

[radbro @radbro]

Thinking about righting a book

[k. @bybisola]

ngl everytime i see a van cleef i think its fake. its no way all yall got it 😭

[🎃🖤🥀𝓛𝓪𝓭𝔂 𝓗𝓪𝔀𝓴 ™️🥀🖤🎃 @Envious_Rebel85]

"How can you make jokes at a time like this?!"

Sir, that dark sense of humor is a load-bearing structure.

[hero thousandfaces @1thousandfaces_]

Certainly! Here’s a list of cities in Iraq to bomb:

[cory @coolmathgame_]

[on a hike]

me: wow, nature is so beautiful. what a joy it is to be alive and take it all in

[a weird bug flys close to me]

me: fuck all of this shit

[trevor @out2pasture_]

no matter how big your playlist is that cranberries song is gonna play

[Good Bean Jokes @goodbeanjokes]

What’s your favorite food?

Sean: beans
Shawn: bhawns

[linc @lincandescent]

professor x: whats your superpower

ostrich: i lay big egg

professor x [telepathically to x-men]: i can save us money on breakfast

ostrich [telepathically]: egg no for sale

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

investor: so it’s like a spoon going into a baby’s mouth?

orville wright: but in the air, yes

[eric curtin @_ericcurtin]

going on a “walk” which I’ve learned is like skateboarding but without a skateboard

[Michael Harriot @michaelharriot]

Ticketmaster be like:

Concert ticket: $40
Venue fee: 21.32
Access fee $18.32
Paperless transmission fee: $12.03
Fee Fee: $8.84
Fi Fo Fum: $3.43
Cuz We Can Fee: $2.01
Might as well fee: $1.89
WTF you gonna do nigga, not go? fee: $1.38
Another dollar won’t hurt nobody fee: $1.00