CAREGIVER TED TALK
On Saturday I was asked, "What was my toughest day as Rebecca’s 4 year caregiver?" I had many. Dozens! Which I'll discuss in time. But there was one day toward the end that stays forever embedded in my mind.
The day My Mind Finally Said "Enough!"
Four weeks before I called hospice, I experienced the most frightening day of my four years as Rebecca's full-time caregiver.
At the time, I thought I was simply tired.
I was wrong.
For nearly four years, I had cared for Rebecca around the clock as Parkinson's slowly stole her ability to walk, dress herself, eat independently, and use the bathroom without assistance. Every day demanded constant vigilance. Every night brought only three or four hours of sleep before I got up and did it all again.
Caregiver Stress Syndrome is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by the prolonged demands of caring for a loved one. It creates mental fog, memory problems, confusion, and difficulty performing familiar tasks.
Without realizing it, I was living it.
That Saturday, Rebecca was having a particularly difficult day. Between medications, meals, transfers, and bathroom trips, I was also doing three or four loads of laundry and taking care of our 5 furbabies.
Around three o'clock, I carried the final load into our bedroom. The sheets had just come out of the dryer. I intended to make the bed.
Instead, I found myself staring at it.
The bed looked like it was spinning.
I picked up the fitted sheet and tried to put it on.
It wouldn't stay.
I tried again.
And again.
And again.
After ten attempts, I still couldn't figure out how to do something I had done thousands of times before.
My brain simply stopped processing the task.
I sat down and began crying hysterically.
Rebecca asked what was wrong.
Imagine that moment. The woman whose disease required constant care was now comforting her caregiver.
She calmed me down. Then, after I wheeled her into the bedroom, she gently talked me through making the bed step by step. She couldn't physically do it, but she could still guide me.
A few hours later, it happened again.
After washing Rebecca's face and brushing her teeth, I wheeled her toward the bedroom. Our lights were connected to Alexa. All I had to do was say, "Alexa, turn off the living room lights."
I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
For nearly five minutes I stood frozen beside Rebecca's wheelchair.
I knew what I wanted to say.
I simply couldn't say it. And when I finally said the command-it sounded like i had just drank a gallon of tequila. I was slurring my words so badly that I thought that maybe I was having a stroke.
Today I understand those two moments for what they were.
The chronic stress, sleep deprivation, grief, fear, and nonstop responsibility had overwhelmed my system. My mind was no longer functioning normally.
That day wasn't weakness.
It wasn't failure.
It was severe caregiver burnout.
My brain was desperately trying to tell me something I had refused to hear:
"Michael, you cannot keep doing this alone."
Four weeks later, I called hospice.
Not because I loved Rebecca less.
Because I loved her enough to recognize that if I collapsed, neither of us would survive what was coming.
When I speak to all of you and other caregivers, I share this story because too many of us believe we have to be superheroes.
We don't.
Caregivers are human beings.
And sometimes the bravest thing we can do is admit we need help before our minds and bodies make that decision for us.
@JillFilipovic I ended up not having children due to lack of finances and lack of a support system, but the climate reason also felt good on top of those.
The suppressed report that concluded there is no protective or safe level of alcohol consumption, now published. It was commissioned by US Congress
Report https://t.co/XmmsSo9q3q
Editorial https://t.co/8NuqBwkugM
"Despite the study’s adherence to its mandate, its findings were sidelined.”
Any of you prolife Conservatives want to support a child with Down Syndrome. Here is your chance.
I'm raising money for my 8-year-old son James with Down Syndrome to get to doctors, buy diapers (he will be in diapers till who knows ), wipes, medical supplies, and to explore the world. He needs 24/7 care and I am his caretaker. https://t.co/iI20eqBm7d https://t.co/iI20eqBm7d
@EricTopol@ScienceMagazine I lived alone for a decade and was a remote worker. My mental health improved because I was no longer being hit on by men and harassed. Many women I know felt the same.
To every medical resident and physician looking for a place to plant roots: New Mexico is calling. Free child care. Tuition-free college for your kids. And now up to $300,000 in student loan repayment for physicians. We’re working to make New Mexico The best place in America to practice medicine and build a life.
Applications for student loan forgiveness open June 1. Link in the first comment.
#NewMexico #Physicians #LoanForgiveness #NMHealth
@lorifrank1 I was a teen concession stand worker at the local pool that watched over all of the kids dropped off with no supervision. Most didn’t have any money for food. I let them “work” for cheap toffee candy that I then paid for.
The ramp up of cancer immunotherapy is remarkable. Now we're seeing vaccines achieve some cures or remissions in the most refractory cancers: pancreatic, melanoma, glioblastoma, renal, triple-negative breast cancer.
✓ out the new Ground Truths (link in profile)
The White House is intent on keeping Ebola out, at all costs.
The U.S. is planning to send Americans exposed to or infected with Ebola to Kenya, instead of bringing them home for care.
Please read and share—this is unbelievable and infuriating.
https://t.co/dyNhl4roWF
Stanford Medicine researchers and their colleagues invented a new vaccine that shows potential to protect against respiratory viruses, bacteria and allergens — the closest yet to a universal vaccine.
https://t.co/ypukWUmJKv
Seriously guys, whatever happened to:
• the DOGE checks
• tariff checks
• the Greenland hospital boat
• 10% APR on credit cards
• my meds being 1500% cheaper
• $2 gas
• the Epstein files
• reopening the Strait of Hormuz that was already open
• cheaper groceries
• ending wars in 24 hours
• the “privately funded” ballroom
Any updates?
@doggintrump Farmers contract to all kinds of companies to produce food, not just this one. Buying direct from small family farmers is nice for those who can find and afford them.