𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞

I am 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 and 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 that you didn’t raven us 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥, you don’t seem very 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 when I try to 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 things about my 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.

[𝑴𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝑽𝒊𝒍 @MadelineDeVil]

Regina is a hater RT if you agree

[Herbertu @torrusu_]

Three tickets to the Barbie movie please

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

@HisGoodLadyWife || DO IT COWARD

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

I wish I was ejected by your wives…

[Laszlo Cravensworth @VampireLaszlo]

Wow I was ejected by my wives.

[𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐚 ❤︎︎ @EgoOfAMan]

“𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐚𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐆𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆!”

An independent portrayal of Antoinette from Our Flag Means Death.

Mature content. 18+ MDNI. Crack and serious SLs welcome. #OFMD/#WWDITS Crossover.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

|| DO IT

[꒷꒦ 𝙽𝚊𝚍𝚓𝚊 ꒦꒷ (Has seen the new eps) @HisGoodLadyWife]

//One like and I’ll make Antoinette.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

@NandortheR “The rules that say that you must NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVEEEER ravish someone else’s familiar. It is a very big taboo in the vampire world. But you know this, of course.”

The rules make The Guide’s lusting over Guillermo even more unbearable. She lets out an unnecessary sigh.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

“Okay, bye! Catch you later!”

She waves dramatically.

“He totally wants me.”

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

“Hmm— I strongly disagree! He is like a sweet O negative… Gets better with age…”

She licks her lips whilst fantasising about all the ways she’d ravish the familiar. “It is a shame that the rules do not allow it.”

[Nandor the Relentless @NandortheR]

"Yes, well it was tough at first not to drain him dry but.. you just get used to it. He's practically furniture at this point. But nice furniture. Like an antique."

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

“Can I tell you a secret?”

She pulls Lilith towards a dark corner of the vampiric council building.

“I’ve had dreams about this. Oh, but don’t tell Mistress Nadja about this ever! She’ll throw me into the well of DOOM.“

[Faith Lehane (Parody) @_FiveXFive_]

The witch yelped as she was pulled away by the Guide suddenly for “fun time” and followed.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

“He is SUCH a snack, that one. I don’t know how you’ve kept your hands to yourself for… What was it again? Twelve years? PFFT!”

Giggles.

“Even I don’t have that much self restraint!“

[Nandor the Relentless @NandortheR]

Squints.

"Just what are you trying to say about my bodyguard-familiar?"

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

“Oh, Mistress Nadja was very strict that I must never ever speak to you ever, or she’ll have my head.”

Her determination lasts about two seconds before she’s grasping Lilith’s hand. “Fuck that. Let’s go.”

[Faith Lehane (Parody) @_FiveXFive_]

“Right here!” She winked at the Guide.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

We’re fucking witches now?

But… But that is forbidden! And, and wrong! And terrible, and…

Very hot. Where can I find one?

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

|| HAHA love that!

[Faith Lehane (Parody) @_FiveXFive_]

|| @TheFuckingGuide, so strange for you to RT this. I literally have this stuck in my head, like right now. 😅

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

A SEXY stupid donkey.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

👀 Hot. Call me.

With the ravens, though. Call me with the ravens. You need to really YELL at them, too. They are going a little deaf.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

-casually gossipping with the wraiths-

Psst… Mistress Nadja likes eating BLOOD CLOTS. I know, right? E W ! But don’t tell anyone, though. She’ll have my HEAD!

-they respond with s i l e n c e-

Good talk.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

@HisGoodLadyWife ~ did all that anger come from today? Oh, well… Must have been her lunch not sitting well. The virgin she ate DID look very unusually grumpy. That must be it!

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

Hides the How To Be A Cool Person In The Society Of The 21st Century For Dummies book behind her back and clears her throat.

“What is cooking, good looking?”

F i n g e r g u n s

{@HisGoodLadyWife}

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 @TheFuckingGuide]

@HisGoodLadyWife ~ from.”
She chuckles awkwardly.
“Alright, I’m off to clean the chunks now!” A gloved hand waves Nadja goodbye. “Have fun filing your paperwork.. Or whatever the fuck it is you’re pretending to do these days.” She whispers under her breath once she’s out of sight.
Geez… Where ~