𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘

|┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅| ⠀⍍ ꜠– ¦ 𝐈 𝖆𝖒 𝐆𝖆𝖓𝐝𝖆𝖑𝖋, 𝖆𝖓𝐝 𝐆𝖆𝖓𝐝𝖆𝖑𝖋 ¦ –꜠ ⍔ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⟞⟝⌄ – ⌃⦗ 𝖒𝖊𝖆𝖓𝒔 𝖒𝖊! ⦘⌃ – ⌄⟞⟝⠀⠀⠀⠀ |┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅|

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

Gandalf saw Bilbo Jason Carver Baggins following him.

[𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒 @TheShireHobbit]

Baggins couldn’t cope with it.

[𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒 @TheShireHobbit]

@TheWizardOfGrey He was always a mutant. He couldn’t help it.

He’d been deformed from birth.

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

@TheShireHobbit He had better.

Love Actually, his old ass. He's had enough of Bilbo Baggins and his mutant ways.

[𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒 @TheShireHobbit]

@TheWizardOfGrey He is sorry. So, so, so sorry Gandalf. He wasn’t expecting him to… um, see that. He wasn’t expecting anyone to see that really. He would try to keep his strange porn, starring Dildo Boggins, to himself from now on.

[𝐃𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍 @TheSonOfFundin]

Bard the Bowman or “Bart the Boatman” was his nemesis because he was handsome.

[𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒 @TheShireHobbit]

Bilbo was deformed and scaring the shit out of Gandalf once again.

When was he ever going to stop being a mutant? What was with him and the blowjobs?

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

@TheFattestDwarf “Kíli… and Bofur?” Gandalf repeated with those squinted old eyes. He blinked a couple of times as he tried to process this new information. “Hm. So you are hoping to prepare drinks for your company?” He questioned while straightening his posture to appear more respectable.

[𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐔𝐑 @TheFattestDwarf]

@TheWizardOfGrey - cream alcohol? He probably did. “They are Kíli and Bofur.” He let him know as he looked back up at him with a blank expression as he batted his round eyes a few times.

[𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐔𝐑 @TheFattestDwarf]

@TheWizardOfGrey He lifted his head and watched Gandalf nearly stumble backwards. Had he said something to scare him?
“Who are “they” ?” His fat repeated with a bewildered expression as he looked off to the side. Had he forgotten to mention it was Kíli and Bofur that wanted the vanilla sweet -

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

Gandalf thought that Bard the Bowman would look good in anything.

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

@TheFattestDwarf Gandalf glanced at him and then did a double take before he completely pulled back, nearly bumping into his secret stash of vanilla as he looked horribly confused. “They? And who are they?” He asked, wondering if it was the same “they” that didn't think his house was good enough.

[𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐔𝐑 @TheFattestDwarf]

@TheWizardOfGrey - time with more certainty than last time.

[𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐔𝐑 @TheFattestDwarf]

@TheWizardOfGrey He was certainly saving that for later. A late night snack. Double chin cookies were his favorite.

His eyes bugged in horror as he was called out for only maybe thinking that’s what was going on. “They are making alcohol. Vanilla alcohol.” He said, this -

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

@TheShireHobbit Clearly that is not the case, dear Bilbo.

[𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐅 ᵀᴴᴱ 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘 @TheWizardOfGrey]

Sometimes, the Old Shit still wondered why Bilbo Baggins and himself were the last to be given the Pass.

Even the Elves of Mirkwood received better treatment than the two of them.

[𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒 @TheShireHobbit]

@TheWizardOfGrey But he was in tight with Benedict, he assures him. He would have given them the gold first.

[𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒 @TheShireHobbit]

Bilbo hates that.

He used to like Bard.