Tommy Touhill

Why yes, I am the guy that spilled all of that hot soup in the Whole Foods and got scared and ran away from the situation.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Four years. Four years I waited to tweet to him, “You’re fired.” And I can’t even do that now.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Can we please talk about the fly!!!!!??!!! #VicePresidentialDebate

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

That fly is not on my television!!! It’s on his head!!!! #VicePresidentialDebate

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Okay so you all are seeing the fly on Pence’s head right now, right???? #VicePresidentialDebate

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

I wish Omar from The Wire could take the iron throne. #GoT

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Unpopular opinion: @Disney needs to skip ahead with these live action movies and go straight to The Emperor’s New Groove.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

The spicy miso ramen was dope. It totally cleared out my sinuses. (@ Momota Ramen House) on #Yelp https://t.co/1f2jvHrEhH

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Spotify: Hey, let’s show all of your friends your most played tracks!
Me: I’d much rather keep the amount of times I have listened to The Macarena private, thank you.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Today I walked into the wrong theater to see #AntManAndTheWasp and didn't realize it until they got half way through singing Mama Mia.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

I think the highest compliment in the English language that can be bestowed upon someone is to be referred to as a "bad bitch."

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

@filmadelphia @alexpearlman If I ever acquire any level of fame and/or fortune, I am immediately paying someone to scrub all of my social media presence until I look like a choir boy.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

@alexpearlman Well, it certainly got me.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

I am consistently more entertained by venmo transactions my friends have made, than any Facebook status written by any human being the last five years.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

A Street Shark Named Desire.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Sapori D'Italia on #Yelp: This place was so good! My buddy and I split a pizza with a nice thin crust and he had a … https://t.co/kHHxSE8JZd

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

@arifishbein I didn't mean to post this it was a test walk. 🤦‍♂️

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

Last night I said, "I love you" to my girlfriend. She responded by leaning in to my ear and whispering, "Fuck Tom Brady." #EaglesWin

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

My car heater broke so I got a new heating system... a blanket.

[Tommy Touhill @TommyTouhill]

@lipsitzngiggles Yo gurl, go out there and find ur Ben!!!

[Max Barth @HeIsMaxBarth]

Dinner plans pushed back! Great, I have time to dress appropriately.
(Changes from black to blue joggers)