Tony Liberati

Comic, Son of a Bowler, Level 50

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

"Uh oh, Spaghettios!" seems like an odd jingle for food. Uh Oh, I'm about to eat crap.

[Wise Crackers @WiseCrackersCC]

🎉This weekend!🎉
Come laugh with Teddy Smith, Tony Liberati, and Laura Patton live at Wise Crackers Comedy Club in @MoheganPA!
Doors: 8pm Show: 9pm
@teddytheprophet @TonyLiberati @LauraPComedy
Tix: $25 ea https://t.co/3dIQdjzDes
Call: 570-788-8451 | 866-424-2411 toll free

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

Grocery store employees deserve to be recognized for top notch service. If there’s an appreciation bell near the exit, ring it and let them know you were at self check-out. #jokes #comedy #standup #HomeDepot #haha

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

I put on the Yule Log for my 3 yr old last night. After 10 minutes of staring he yells this movie is loading or something.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

I like to sing “only the good die young” around grandpa just so he knows what’s up.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

It’s been nice knowing everybody.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

We already have NyQuil chicken! It’s called turkey, ya’ dummies!

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

You don’t see enough ghosts with fitted sheets.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

Have you ever been so constipated that you hire a doula?

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

@JoJoFromJerz Elon Tusks

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

Few things are better than being dropped off at a mini golf course when you’re a kid. By hole 5 the putter became a driver and your purple ball was bouncing across the parking lot dinging Buick Skylarks.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

It takes 24 hours to file a missing persons report, but GrubHub can track my missing jalapeño poppers instantly.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

Deli’s are like,“here’s the breakfast sandwich I started to cut in half for ya. The rest of that shit you’re gonna have to rip apart yourself.” @jokes @funny @MensHumor @standup

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

Would you like some fancy salted mixed nuts and some cardiac arrest, grandma?

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

Just started a hibachi drive thru. Swing by and I’ll flip a shrimp through your sunroof.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

They shouldn’t allow those lighters that look like pistols. People can mistake them and get hurt. For example, I just burned the roof of my mouth pretty badly.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

I waited too long to get my kid baptized and now I’m on the way to the Vatican to beg for an exorcism.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

New Years Day baby fined for entering the world without mask.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

DayQuil packaging is so tough to get into that by the time I got it open I needed NyQuil.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

I always ring the bell for great service at the grocery store when I do self checkout.

[Tony Liberati @TonyLiberati]

I’m going to start a cleaning business for homes who are about to be robbed.