Andrew Manning

Comedian as seen on the 1 train. Link to my standup & roasts

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

They shouldn’t allow those lighters that look like pistols. People can mistake them and get hurt. For example, I just burned the roof of my mouth pretty badly.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Yes this is art. Recorded 4 months ago.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

I feel like every time I open this app i see this chode has found a new, clearer and deeper way to expose himself as a perfect dork. He has uncanny precision with choosing the cringiest arrangement of words possible, and to top it off he promotes his own posts to the top.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Sending this to people via text instead of doing it irl

https://t.co/eChErvJiP9

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Little late to the game here but I think that movie should have been called “An Orange Clockwork”

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

George Foreman died. I think I know how he’s being cremated.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

francis ford coppola dedicating megalopolis to his wife is the meanest thing anybody has ever done to their spouse

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

@DarrenSechrist None that im aware of

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

One of my biggest losses occurred today after I confidently started a claim with customer service and slowly realized I am fundamentally wrong about the issue, and am as stupid as the CS rep must have been saying I am to their work friends.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Pouring one out for the big guy

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Swing low, sweet chariot

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Some of you clearly didn’t see his family ask that you please respect their wishes for privacy and grace.

[O.J. Simpson @TheRealOJ32]

On April 10th, our father, Orenthal James Simpson, succumbed to his battle with cancer.

He was surrounded by his children and grandchildren.

During this time of transition, his family asks that you please respect their wishes for privacy and grace.

-The Simpson Family

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

The juice is home now

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Some people think it’s weird my dog takes human meds. Me, I’m just glad he can get hard again.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

How about an NPR show called Wait Wait Don’t Smell Me and it’s about a couple about to have sex but one is self conscious, so they just do hand stuff.

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

@theDDC1 Nice

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

Uncontroversial take: people who take their dogs off leash in the open should be put down

[Django Gold @django]

1994: I am cranking it to a famous actress
2024: I am cranking it to a famous actress, here's why that's significant

[Andrew Manning @andrewmanthing]

@JonathanTillson Greatest idea yet

[Jonathan Tillson @JonathanTillson]

WNBA Origins

[Jonathan Tillson @JonathanTillson]

How Olive Garden Started..