Fantastical Nonsense

Funny is like porn...you'll know it when you see it

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

@BrandonEsWolf particularly if it is a red whip...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Don't know what the in laws are bitching about...I rented them a POD out front to stay in while they visit...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Those "You break it. You pay for it!" signs you see in stores? Yep...they apply to relationships too...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

When I'm rich I'm going to go to interviews dressed like a mime and try to answer their questions visually and obnoxiously

[The Pretty Girl Swag @AllTheUglyTruth]

"Swallow" was my latest submission to the employee suggestion box.

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

@LosLos__ Ha! True. Also corn on the cob...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

@JenniferVaz36 That is why bacon rules! The sex has to be hot. The bacon you'll eat either fuckin' way...cause it's bacon!

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Just because I was right (again) that the slow ass minivan crawling through the suburbs was Asian doesn't make me a racist...

[Jan·da·līze ☆ @Jandalize]

I'm not bragging, but I go smart car tipping alone.

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

@icrushedmyhalo @JenniferVaz36 But most of the time he is actually just asleep and you don't know it.

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Forget the security check at the airport. You should try getting passed my wife's fashion check as I leave the closet!

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Benny and the Jets....I always thought he was singing "She's got electric boobs..." That would have been awesome!

[Scott Linnen @ScottLinnen]

Four out of five dentists agreed to make the fifth one's death look like a suicide.

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Just for fun I trapped the kids outside on the back porch. Yep...they had the same reaction as the indoor cats...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

I love it when strange women tell my my fly is undone...sure, I look like an idiot but I win...cause you know where they been looking!

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

For the really rich, I'm making smaller boats that fit inside of bigger boats so the can actually water ski behind 10 boats at once finally

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

I converted the entire upstairs into her walk in closet. Yes...the only room for my clothes is still in the basement behind the furnace...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Went over to Office Depot to buy some invisible tape...couldn't find the damn stuff...

[Fantastical Nonsense @VEsPlace]

Those miniature sample display tents in outdoor stores? Yeah, my wife thought those were puppy dog tents for sale...