Big Dave

Time is the fire in which we burn.

[gas station dream girl @cheygoulet]

The question is not “can I eat this rotisserie chicken on my drive home?” but rather “who will stop me?”

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

I'm not for everyone. Or some. Most really. What I'm saying is that people don't like me.

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Delivery driver is saying he needs to show proof he dropped the food off so he's filming me eating it and demanding I make mmmm mmm mmm sounds as I do

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

If you became famous after 2010 I have no idea who you are

[Big Dave @WorldWearyOne]

@MoMohler They invented hot dogs.

[Big Dave @WorldWearyOne]

@JJWilliamsWON Being a lifelong Toronto resident and fan of the Toronto territory, and then having gone on to work selling selling posters at Maple Leaf Gardens, I can tell you there are a million awful Jack Tunney stories. That guy was a colossal dickhead.

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

Specializes in helping people stay alive.

[Art E McFly @SabotagedSmoke]

No matter the aches & pains, you don't REALLY realize you've gotten old until your favourite bands start playing casino gigs

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

i really hope my death doesn’t involve the word plummet.

[Big Dave @WorldWearyOne]

@TheRealAlSnow Nobody is friendlier or more accommodating with his fans than @TheRealAlSnow

In hindsight, I may have abused that privilege when I asked him to trim the hedges in front of his house, because I was having a hard time seeing through his windows.

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

As a life coach, the one thing I tell my clients over and over: you’re not getting your money back.

[KoKeni Snap'sSquatch @KoKeniSaskqatch]

Jokes on you @McDonalds, I just had a happy meal whilst miserable.

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

In a world where you can be anything, don’t be the person who refuses to get out of the fast lane so someone can pass you.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Any time a child memorizes a bible passage, they should be allowed to have one cigarette

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

can someone please help me, i’m still at the fyre festival.

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

My dream of being a poet vanished like a thing in a whatever.

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Just saw a list of the biggest music hits of 2001 and all I could think was "Yeah, and then what happened?"

[Big Dave @WorldWearyOne]

@Nerdrotics

[Big Dave @WorldWearyOne]

@iowahawkblog Listen I’m sorry, but if I can get a couple bucks for your left nut, I’m taking it.

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

don't forget to set your clocks away from seasonal depression and back to regular depression but with extra sun.