JergonFlerg

“walk like a kind or walk like you don’t give a fuck who the king is” - Tommy Shelby

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

The end of this might be the funniest part💀💀💀

[Iamemperor @Iamemperor00]

My roommate accidentally convinced our entire apartment building that he was a government agent because he didn’t know how to end conversations normally.

It started because he ordered a shredder.

That’s it.

Just a regular office shredder from Amazon.

But the delivery guy asked,
“What do you need this for?”

And instead of saying “old bank statements” like a civilian, my roommate pauses for two full seconds and goes,

“Can’t really discuss that.”

Why would you say that.

Now the delivery guy looks nervous.
My roommate notices the nervousness.
And instead of correcting himself, he doubles down because apparently social anxiety turns him into a Batman villain.

He leans closer and says:
“Appreciate your discretion.”

The delivery guy left like he had just transported nuclear launch codes.

After that, weird things started happening.

Neighbors became oddly respectful.
People stopped asking him dumb small-talk questions in the elevator.
One old man saluted him once.

At first we thought it was coincidence.

Then our downstairs neighbor knocks on our door and quietly asks,
“Are we safe?”

My roommate, who is eating cereal at the time, just stares at him and says:
“For now.”

FOR NOW???

The neighbor looked like he was about to evacuate his family immediately.

Turns out the delivery guy had apparently told multiple people in the building that “federal people” were living on the third floor.

And honestly my roommate’s lifestyle was NOT helping.

He leaves the apartment at random hours.
Owns three identical black jackets.
Rarely explains where he’s going.
Has terrible posture but walks fast enough to seem important.

One time he came home carrying a locked briefcase.

Do you know what was inside?

A sandwich.

But nobody else knew that.

The paranoia escalated when building management installed new security cameras and my roommate casually muttered,
“About time.”

Now everybody thinks he requested surveillance upgrades.

Then came the incident with Apartment 4B.

There was a huge screaming argument downstairs around midnight.
Doors slamming.
People yelling.
Somebody crying.

The whole building could hear it.

My roommate walks into the hallway, listens for ten seconds, then calmly says:
“They’re moving earlier than expected.”

EARLIER THAN WHAT??

A woman across the hall literally gasped.

The next morning 4B had moved out unexpectedly because apparently they were already behind on rent and the fight ended the relationship.

But now the building believes my roommate orchestrated a covert extraction.

People started treating him like some kind of undercover protector.

Neighbors would randomly update him on “suspicious activity.”

One guy whispered:
“There’s a blue Honda that keeps circling the block.”

My roommate nodded and wrote something down.

Do you know what he wrote?

“Buy oat milk.”

But the guy saw the note-taking and immediately went,
“Knew it.”

Then management offered him a free parking spot “for operational convenience.”

HE TOOK IT.

At this point I asked him why he kept feeding the delusion instead of stopping it.

And he said something I’ll never forget:
“It’s gone too far to explain naturally.”

Which somehow made him sound EVEN MORE like a spy.

Then things became catastrophic.

A package got delivered to the wrong apartment and went missing.

Management called a building meeting about “recent security concerns.”

In the middle of the meeting, somebody actually turned toward my roommate and asked:
“What do you think we should do?”

This idiot crosses his arms and says:
“Keep communication limited. Don’t panic.”

The room nodded collectively.

I was watching a man fail upward into the CIA.

Then an actual police officer showed up later that week because somebody reported “possible federal surveillance activity.”

We thought the game was over.

But when the officer knocked on our door, my roommate opened it halfway, looked at the badge, and sighed like he was disappointed.

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

@eurofounder So you and your son are retarded?

[UrinatingTree @UrinatingTree]

Please let us have an option to listen to games like this...

[Linus ✦ Ekenstam @LinusEkenstam]

Internet please make this a trend

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

Idk… they just kinda look like a very well put together middle class family. I love them

[Coop™️ @imyycooper]

Such a precious family

[Jim Halpert Argento @sapillopillo]

capitulos nuevos de the office hechos con IA antes que gta 6, desaparezcan el mundo

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

She definitely got the free chalupa from Taco Bell in the early 2010’s

[𝑴𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒙 @mirexmoses]

How did she even discover she can do something like this?! 🤯

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

“Wait for me” next song title

[Kurrco @Kurrco]

The Weeknd teased new music in Mexico City 👀

“I’ve been cooking for you, I got some sh*t for you"

[Chase Senior @Chase_Senior]

Pittsburgh is one of the most underrated cities in the United States. I'm glad it'll be on display for the nation to see the next three days for the NFL Draft.

Highly recommend going, especially in the summer.

- Get a Primanti Bros sandwich
- Check out a Pirates game at PNC Field, one of the most beautiful ballparks in MLB
- Drink an Iron City beer
- Spend some time at "The Point" where the three rivers connect
- Go to Mount Washington to get a stunning view of the Pittsburgh skyline

#NFLDraft

[Waterboy @GMRench]

Friends- my team has been working on building our own CRM and customizing AI integration into it depending on the needs of the company/User.

We have built this CRM for several reasons:
1) Salesforce and Hubspot play cancel culture games
2) Most CRMs are overbuilt and require in house engineers to onboard
3) KISS and AI integration are a must!

We have released beta, it’s free until August, & would love for as many to sign up and test it out as possible. Just sign up for the free trial & we’ll get in touch: https://t.co/BJihaesZes.

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

@ManaByte Imagine they got a “green flash”👀😂

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

@RiotV6_ @SilkysBurner When they show up to take us

[Aruh 💫 @SavageOpal_]

Wait for the plot twist 💀

[JergonFlerg @XOShort18]

@BadgerStew So actually a human was behind the wheel with full control the entire time so uhhh, incorrect.

[Sk Akram @akramcodez]

nobody asked, but here’s the aerodynamics of a cat

[CatDance @academiccatt]

43 years ago Michael Jackson threw on that fedora & created a groundbreaking Billie Jean choreo empire