12 Hour G.

Endangered species.

[12 Hour G. @Yankeegiant72]

It's hard to be "just friends" with someone when your tongue has been halfway to their uterus.

[12 Hour G. @Yankeegiant72]

Just tell me all those words weren't wasted, so I can die in peace.

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

The more you mature the more you realize the ultimate luxury of being silent.

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

If you're not afraid to do it. You're doing it wrong.

[Scruffy @UnimpressedWU]

Glad I live in a world where magic and dragons are fiction yet high waist jeans and Donald Trump exist

[Piney @TheRealPiney]

Man lie: I only had 2 beers

Woman lie: I'm pregnant with your child

[Scruffy @UnimpressedWU]

It's the first movie, but it is episode four!!! Please don't call it "the first one".

*throws you out of my house

[Chincha @chincha33]

Me, every day:

I love twitter!

I hate twitter!

[Chincha @chincha33]

My Thanksgiving dinner or yours? *slow wink*

- pilgrim sext

[Chincha @chincha33]

*knocks down all the beeping smoke detectors

#MyBettyCrockerMoment

[I LIKE CHIPS @aaronup]

If you don't list what you're thankful for on Facebook, are you really thankful?

[I LIKE CHIPS @aaronup]

Watching the simpsons with one eye open from too much turkey is my new favorite hobby.

[I LIKE CHIPS @aaronup]

Rhubarb pie? Oh good red fucking celery in my pie. Get away from me Linda.

[HEART @HeartSPL]

my signature move was forged...

[HEART @HeartSPL]

if life starts throwing lemons at you, it's because you're standing in its sweet spot, move idiot...

[HEART @HeartSPL]

drawings on cave walls are just tweets, in long form...

[David South @televictim22]

I wanna be there when Trump finds out that the meek are inheriting the earth.

[Aimee Helene @AimeeHelene1]

(at border crossing into Canada)
Patrol: Say you're sorry.
Me: I'm sorry.
P: Again...with more feeling.
Me: I'm soooooorry.
P: Go ahead.

[Aimee Helene @AimeeHelene1]

I'm convinced that this trip to Toronto will end with my being arrested for not being nice enough.

[Aimee Helene @AimeeHelene1]

I feel like I might kill someone today, and I'm starving. So clearly the best solution is to just eat someone.

[H.R. Puffin Stuff @420luck]

When I find something I'm looking for with 5 stars on Amazon, it almost feels like I'm losing money if I don't buy it.