Chincha

I think I've finally gotten rid of my need for another *if I had a hammer* tweet (This is all lies!)

[Chincha @chincha33]

Blow me, you oscillating fan.

[✨️Kristen✨️ @_kAe_lEe_]

I hate people say they don't like my taste in music. Well I don't like your face, but I kept my piehole shut.

[Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK]

I'm not drunk... i'm tipsy adjacent

[Madcat Magick ACM @PaganParish]

When you know things way before they happen it’s not as much fun.

[Craving @calluptome]

Amazon Gods were good today. Instead of one 4lb bag of dogfood they sent 4 bags wrapped in plastic.

Math skills chef’s kiss my anonymous friend 😘

[Madcat Magick ACM @PaganParish]

I want to know all the mysteries, especially yours.

[Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish]

It's impossible to find a birthday card for a 10yo boy from a 10yo boy -- why don't they have one that just says "bro happy birthday bro".

[X🇨🇦 @FFmaxhyde]

Listen I had a fucking terrible night...my friends are doing stupid fucking shit and won't let me fucking fix it

[Barroom Hero 🦬 @UnIxphysco]

I have coffee and a $3.99 book from Ollie's. Life is good

[Not You Again. @NotYouAgain66]

I dont care about your problems my hot neighbor is moving now what am I going to stare at?

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

the way some dads feel about lawn stripes are the way i feel about vacuum stripes. i love me a nice vacuum stripe

[Case @Cactuscali19912]

"I'm in the business of misery..."

- it's sales

[Barroom Hero 🦬 @UnIxphysco]

What if we kissed at the Buc-ee's?

[💀SpookyLittleComic👻 @CunniLinguist77]

No one jumps anyone’s bones anymore.

[Bitz @bitzydimbo]

i put strawberry jam on a peanut butter cookie and i feel like i'm top chef now

[Bitz @bitzydimbo]

fucking Facebook 😂😂😂

[𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟 🎩 @Jumperjohn1976]

Just ignore it and take a nap is my advice on almost everything these days.

[𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟 🎩 @Jumperjohn1976]

Twitter is basically the acceptable way to have multiple personalities and imaginary friends.

[𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟 🎩 @Jumperjohn1976]

It’s healthy to be a little unhinged sometimes.

[tera-cotta @notincharge7]

you: "It's getting hot in here"

I'm: "so take off all your clothes" [years old]