Bob Kempf

No one I think is in my tree.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@OctillionToOne @iseeharvey She didn’t.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@capbromerica What’s her name?

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@OctillionToOne Me! (Thank you.)

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

If a student announces on the first day of class that they are the class comedian, prepar yourself for a semester full of comedy gold...

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

I spent most of Xmas Day watching documentaries about the Sex Pistols on YouTube. I hope yours was just as jolly.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@OctillionToOne

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@jayandrewthom @OctillionToOne I’ll buy you a cocktail

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

Attention, students who cheat: If you and your pals are all submitting the exact same paper, don’t turn them in stacked together.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

Questions about #BabyYoda
1. Does it wear diapers?
2. Does it use the force to wipe its own butt?

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

Here’s a Tweet for those 55+:
Yesterday I rushed home to catch the Marx Brothers marathon on TCM. I was just in time for The Story of Mankind.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@OctillionToOne I'm as old as Mary Berry, if that means anything.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@lindsayggunn Stop trying to compete with me and my allergies...

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@OctillionToOne We got a new Dramatists catalog in the mail today.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@capbromerica @iseeharvey Ditto.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@OctillionToOne On @ESPN Sunday Night Baseball, Matt Vasgersian just used your Spy vs Spy joke!

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

Haven’t been to Galaxy’s Edge yet, but if the trash receptacles aren’t shaped like R2 Units, I’m going to be mighty disappointed.

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@LozoSalazar

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@jayandrewthom I know...

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

@Boredfox That was you?!

[Bob Kempf @YeahBobKempf]

(In a crowded theatre lobby restroom, a man knocks on a stall door.)
OCCUPANT: Yes?
MAN: I'm sorry, but did I leave my hat in there?
OCCUPANT: You sure did!
MAN: Oh, thank you!
OCCUPANT: Give me a minute.
(That next minute is the longest minute experienced by anyone ever.)