mr. i like bees

poo poop hahaha

[sarahs onlyhaters @ultracrap]

sometimes i think to myself how nice it must be to be 6’5 at a concert but the guilt…..it would ruin me…….

[☈€ᗰ☡€↳ 🥀⭒ @ohremzel]

reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because why do you get a view of my back arching and ass jiggling and all i’m seeing is your toes throwing gang signs 😫😭

[roxy demento @falseroxy]

i am so stoned that i just thought about david guetta and quickly looked over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't behind me

[khi✰ @stymead]

white guys when dat Mr. Brightside start playing

[Handsome B. Charming @CTachio83984]

i got long rabies

[Corduroy! (COMMS OPEN) 🇵🇸 @TheCardinalArts]

Jack Quaid Joker just hit me like that damn strawberry and cheese from Ratatouille oh my god

[The Kindly Cowpoke @sillydingdong]

Poop belongs in the toilet but only very briefly

[Sophy Romvari @SophyRomvari]

Gross vs Net pay for dummies like me:
gross = ewww that’s not your real take home pay
net = this is the money you scooped up in your little net

[the giant @chaser_bait]

bullying people for exploring their gender has pushed countless people back into the closet, but it also made harry styles stop dressing like that so it’s impossible to say whether it’s good or bad

[Paris @goodyhilton]

You can't generalize about women. Except they do all be shopping but other than that no... they're all unique

[Dylan O'Sullivan @DylanoA4]

If you just say that Cormac McCarthy line "you never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from" a couple of times per week you'll feel better

[Maria @mlstrat]

friend of mine just told me a guy she was seeing abruptly ended their relationship after spending a perfect day together, and when she asked him why he did that he said “well when you put a dog down you try to give it one last good day”

[garshmo @garshmo]

She’s pregnant I’m gonna be a stepdad

[doomer @uncledoomer]

they hate to see a funky ass white boy get a little spiritual with it

[Paul Murphy @paulmurphy68]

I stand with @KNEECAPCEOL

[Luke @LukasMukasPukas]

whilst this appears like a barbaric rollback of civil liberties regardless, we can at least take comfort that this precise thing hasn't historically been used as a pretence to target sexual minorities, to the extent that a war hero was given a posthumous official apology