Zero Star Reviews

Chronicling critical misses throughout history. DM suggestions. Alter ego of @Schneider_CM

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[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

Welcome to Zero Star Reviews - your home for the worst critic reviews of all time. DM me with requests. And SMASH that FOLLOW button!

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968):

"It’s a bad, bad sign when a movie director begins to think of himself as a myth-maker, and this limp myth of a grand plan that justifies slaughter and ends with resurrection has been around before." - Pauline Kael
https://t.co/GZFdHKFwG8

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

"So how come these bands can't do anything but whine about how awful success is?"

Janesville (WI) Gazette, December 29, 1993

[Dilan Esper @dilanesper]

Bob Dylan, who turns 85 today, is a fine lyricist, put out a few very decent records, and is one of the worst singers ever to hit the top 5.

The Byrds got to number 1 with Mr. Tambourine Man (a good song!) because he couldn't sing and they could.

[Christian Schneider @Schneider_CM]

My end piece in this month's @NRO Magazine: There's never been a better time in history to be a music fan (link in comments):

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

This guy sat down to type this out, and said, “yep, this it it - my magnum opus”

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER (2026): "The movie is just another sign that Hollywood has once again driven itself to total moral, artistic, and creative ruin."

[John Podhoretz @jpodhoretz]

Great moments in moron criticism from the NYT, 1971

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN - TIGERMILK (1999): "I tried, I really did try to listen to this record...makes me feel ever so slightly queasy...Can't fault it, but won't listen to it." Evening Standard (UK), 7/9/1999

[Girard Healy @gmhealy]

@JonErlichman @jennablan Doesn’t beat this though.

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

JEFF PROBST (SURVIVOR HOST, 2000): "With a personality that's more TV studio than base camp, Probst was like sand in suntan oil, the group's Where's Waldo figure who kept popping up when you least wanted to see him."

Probst is about to start his 50th season as host.

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

It appears some in the British media took a cynical view of this little-known UK band hitting it big in the U.S. in 1993:

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

“(A comedy) shouldn’t be your favorite movie. Do you have any depth?”

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

@TerriersFan St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 10/6/1957

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

JACK KEROUAC - ON THE ROAD (1957): "Kerouac is supposed to be the spokesman for the 'beat' generation. Who beat them and why is not clear.
His writing...is full of a provocative sound and fury but with about as much philosophical meaning as a Sears-Roebuck catalogue." 10/6/1957

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

THE PRODIGY - FAT OF THE LAND (1997): "It's great partying music, but shallow casual listening....awfully thin on substance and overly thick on hype, which could spell trouble for the Prodigy's attempt in bringing electronica to the masses." Waterloo (CA) Region Record, 7/3/1997

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

THE WHITE STRIPES (2001): "Critics are largely unimpressed...White Blood Cells has shipped 12,000 copies...But, bearing in mind that, earlier this year...Creed shipped more than 20 million copies...it hardly suggests a major shift in rock and roll." National Post (CA) 8/31/01

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

(Worth pointing out this is factually wrong - the critics went crazy for White Blood Cells.)

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

THE WHITE STRIPES (2001): "Critics are largely unimpressed...White Blood Cells has shipped 12,000 copies...But, bearing in mind that, earlier this year...Creed shipped more than 20 million copies...it hardly suggests a major shift in rock and roll." National Post (CA) 8/31/01

[Zero Star Reviews @ZeroStarReviews]

😐

[Awful Announcing @awfulannouncing]

Stephen A. Smith: "Did Indiana make the right move with Cignetti?"

Paul Finebaum: " They did not...I'm still not convinced that Curt Cignetti is one of the top coaches in America."