Ben Lyons

technically an influencer.

[Points in Case @PointsinCase]

Just kinda set the money bags on your knees. I’d tell you to move the gold-plated racquet holder, but it’s welded to the center console. (by @_BenLyons) https://t.co/6UKXvJioLn

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

If @springsteen doesn’t deny this, it becomes canon https://t.co/iFJkv3Hiym

[Slackjaw 🚀 @SlackjawHumor]

Bruce Springsteen Answers His Password Reset Questions by Ben Lyons

https://t.co/3Rg4DvZiFn

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

Inspired by real events (sort of)

[Points in Case @PointsinCase]

We will be booking you at the nearest available destination: a desolate mountainside, now viewable if you look out the left side of the aircraft. (by @_BenLyons) https://t.co/61bSFhlCE5

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

[sees evangelist on street corner]

me: uh-oh i think he's spotted me

the grinch: do you have five minutes to hear how i was saved by the christmas spirit?

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

Writing this piece counts as my retirement planning

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"It’s been nine long years since I turned over my weapon. Nine years of peaceful days and memories that come barging into my brain at night. My point is, will you be adjusting my old salary for recent inflation?"
https://t.co/67U7Ixi1U3

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

life-saving vaccine goldeneye in 1997
🤝

i heard the walmart an hour away has one

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

Dead Poets Society but the class teaches me how to tweet

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

DM me for answer key

[Points in Case @PointsinCase]

Let’s start with an easy one…. ah, 3-down: “Leader of the cult kidnapping our children and poisoning our liberties.” "Obama." Boom! (by @_BenLyons) https://t.co/kC6PKWhFnD

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

2019 timeline: "What Kevin Durant's Hat Placement Says About His Chances of Staying with the Warriors (story)"
2020 timeline:

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

seeing people smoke on TV in the '50s < seeing people touch their faces in videos recorded two weeks ago

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

Cauliflower is broccoli that got whitewashed in casting

[improv4humans @improv4humans]

THE NEW EPISODE IS OUT! The amazing @MEDarch
@_BenLyons
@iamrafewilliams
and @ETCinSTL
of Dad Van join @MattBesser LIVE from St. Louis!

Listen to it here: https://t.co/4UGEA3ZV55

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

Anderson Cooper: And in a bombshell development this morning, it was revealed that the senator replied to the statement with a Chrissy Teigen clapping GIF. The news has sparked an intense backlash that's prompted many--

[when the first "leaked Slacks" scandal breaks]

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

I’m as optimistic about the fourth Warriors’ title as I am about the fourth Men In Black.

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

Kevin Durant appears to aggravate his calf injury and heads to the locker room early in the second quarter.

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

Memorial Day is the Monday that went to school out west and came back with a hemp necklace and now just wants to chill.

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

If Stairway to Heaven came out now, I would mostly be upset that Spotify recommended a song over five minutes long.

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

It is with mixed emotions I announce that I’m leaving my wife for Game 7’s. Thank you for respecting our family privacy during this time ❤️

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

.@YouTube, you can just retitle my Recommended feed to "Your Freudian Id Laid Bare for You to See"

[Ben Lyons @_BenLyons]

You could hide a body in my promotions tab and I'd never see it.