sam

i got a lot of nosebleeds as a kid

[sam @_samleee]

i’ve been trying to get a job and i haven’t gotten one but i did get this published in @PointsinCase and also i got a sinus infection so you know. ups and downs

https://t.co/TAr33FSolA

[sam @_samleee]

i know i was born in the right generation because i love unseasonably warm weather

[sam @_samleee]

wrote this for @SlackjawHumor about everything that is happening, has happened, and will ever happen. i’m pretty sure i did all that basically perfectly but feel free to yell at me if you disagree, i can totally definitely for sure take it

https://t.co/JwNFrmsVy2

[whalefact @awhalefact]

“girl dinner” the whale whispers to itself before devouring an entire krill civilization

[The Belladonna 🇺🇸❤️🇺🇦 @The_Belladonnas]

"Do you know why Mickey Mouse wears gloves? So that he does not leave fingerprints." By Samantha Lee https://t.co/wER6CkAjNM

[sam @_samleee]

what’s the opposite of a superiority complex because i definitely have the opposite of that

[sam @_samleee]

have u realized u can literally just eat the tester makeup at sephora. they can’t stop u. it says try me

[lucy ford 🍊 @lucyj_ford]

how it feels to be a girl just trying her best

[sam @_samleee]

a face that causes car accidents 😏 and a nasty little tendency to run out into the middle of the road with zero warning 🤫

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

lord have mercy I am awake

[sam @_samleee]

the climate changed and now he’s finally ready to commit

[sam @_samleee]

the peacock is the ultimate class traitor. flaunting its freedom on the pedestrian walkways. as if the zoo itself is not a cage

[sam @_samleee]

@mr_gusaroni we have a direct line

[sam @_samleee]

in times like these if the milk hotel is neutral, then the milk hotel is complicit 😔

[sam @_samleee]

if there was a prize for not being competitive i would definitely win it

[sam @_samleee]

“blue checks” blah blah blah… the spacex rocket BLEW UP midair and i have not seen ONE twitter joke about it!! hello??? this will be my watergate

[sam @_samleee]

they should make recreational comas. could be fun

[sam @_samleee]

and they said my 10,000 hours on buzzfeed tasty were a waste of time. fools

[The Belladonna 🇺🇸❤️🇺🇦 @The_Belladonnas]

“This recipe is perfect for any occasion, as long as that occasion includes a minimum of four hours prep time.” By Samantha Lee https://t.co/SaNnIlz4BQ

[sam @_samleee]

nothing so uniquely humbling as trying to draw a circle