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hey where’s perry?

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

it’s been an honor tweeting with you 🫡

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

it’s like these recruiters pop a balloon when they see my resume in the pile

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

seeing bukayo saka on crutches

[Jetpack Comedy @JetpackComedy]

Our last show of 2024 will be a BANGER. Tickets are selling fast!

@PeetGuercio @FixYourLife @avitalash @katbirdcomedy @stephenagyei @aaronmlyons @LouisKatz @thecomedybureau

Get tickets: https://t.co/q5JcV0FpRL

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

my parents rushing us to the gate 3 hours before departure

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

people used to joke about celebrities being in the illuminati. turns out the illuminati is actually just a huge pedophile ring

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

think i’ve finally accepted that my perpetually cracked phone screen is bojack’s living room furniture

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

at least i've already aged out of the hunger games

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

throw a blanket over it :(

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

people who run marathons are dumb*

* unless you’re my friend

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

back in my day we used to say if you’re not 1st you’re last. but now all these gen z kids are talking about is 3rd place. 3rd place that’s a bronze medal. we’re raising a bunch of losers.

alright you guys have been great i gotta get outta here, give it up for your host

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

BREAKING - Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas officially endorses Kamala Harris for President

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

halloween as a kid: a fun opportunity to dress up and get candy

halloween in my 20s: the ultimate test of creativity to show how much i love my girlfriend

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

i did my part to save democracy and all i got was this sticker

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

@unusualdemont

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

you never used to see that many driverless cars but now there’s Waymo

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

is this more qualified candidate in the room with us right now

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

one thing they got right about the last airbender is that the biggest threat to your success is probably an extremely talented 12 year old asian kid

[aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron aaron @aaronmlyons]

i really don’t wanna become one of those old people who gets mad at everything, but i already hate everyone and i’m not even in my 30s 😣