Brad Ross

Rubbing coconut oil all over my body while drinking Tuna Water -

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

Lost more followers today for saying saying “New Year New Moi Muah”

[The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 @blade_funner]

[at the gym]

Trainer: Your ass is in horrible shape.

Me: [watching my donkey struggle with the leg machine] He's doing the best that he can, Bob.

[yeah ok @poutinesmoothie]

I whisper "I love you" to my pizza.

[Bubbles n' Booze @BubblesnBooze]

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO EVERYONE! Except you, fucker.

[I'm All Write 🍻 @imallwritecom]

It's January 1st so guess it's time for retailers to put up the Easter displays

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

RIP Roseanne Barr’s upper lip hair

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

@nottheworstmom Best tweet of 2017

[Sara Buckley @nottheworstmom]

A group of drunk girls without shoes on is called a Megan

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

“You’re not going to last on this NYs diet you fucking fatass”

Me 9 seconds after waking up today

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

Who else is cleaning up their friend list on Facebook today?

~1st assholes of 2018~

[Sea Creature @IdontknowwhyI1]

I'm warming up with a beer

[Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug]

It's not you, it's everyone who ruined everything before you

[gⓗⓓ @GingerHotDish]

[At confession]

Me: I’ve had impure thoughts about harming someone.

Priest: Don’t let those jealous, thirsty bitches get to you, boo.

Me: Umm, Father? I think maybe you should delete your Twitter account.

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

Fuck parents who throw cool New Years parties for their kids

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

Wife said will be watching Reservoir Dogs tonight & she’s gonna be pissed when she sees I replaced it with the Pretty in Pink 25th year anniversary copy

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

Fuck jewelry, give her some gel pens. Bitches love gel pens.

[Brad Ross @AfterDecember96]

Should I wear my Dad jeans tonight that only have that one stain on them, or the sweats I wore yesterday?

[Lindsay @Rollinintheseat]

I’ve reached the age where I fall asleep on New Year’s Eve at 8:00 PM and have someone wake me up at 11:59 PM.