Dan Ahrens

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

@AllySchipma hmm

[bubba watson @bubbawatson]

Jeremiah 17:14
Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. #GodIsGood

[Modern Seinfeld @SeinfeldToday]

Kramer gets lost in the Super Dome on his way to his seats at the Super Bowl. Accidentally knocks out all the lights.

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

Such an awesome new years eve! Crazy parties, and swanky apartments, and the downtown atmosphere! #baller #nye #smirnoff #ladies

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

@ahrens_sarah I can only guess....

[Patricia Heaton @PatriciaHeaton]

Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. James 4:8

[SUE the T. rex @SUEtheTrex]

Little girl comes up to me before leaving @fieldmuseum: "Bye, SUE! I love you!" (sniff) When I rampage, I'll eat you last adorable primate.

[SUE the T. rex @SUEtheTrex]

Happy 27th birthday to @Windows! NOW can you make a better mouse input for the short-armed tyrannosaurid?

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

"You can waste food not your liquor, that's just a sin" wise words from @KristinAhrens

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

@ahrens_sarah i could never keep up with your tweeting. Still figuring out the proper use of the hash tag

[Onion Politics @OnionPolitics]

Translation: ‘I'd like to answer that question, if I may, by addressing a completely different topic entirely’ #debates

[Mental Floss @mental_floss]

Tomorrow morning at 8:09, it will be 8:09, 10/11/12. Should be a great minute.

[Mental Floss @mental_floss]

The term "lawn mullet" means having a neatly manicured front yard and an unmowed mess in the back.

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

@LibbySchipma sorry it's completely kristins fault maybe someone should call and bitch her out again. #sitofthisshit

[Hogwarts Humor @HogwartsHumor]

I have a headache. Voldemort must be close.

[David Burge @iowahawkblog]

Requiring photo ID is racist, says convention requiring photo ID

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

Bullshit...."@BarackObama: FACT: Paul Ryan supports writing discrimination into the Constitution with an amendment banning gay marriage."

[Skilling @Skilling]

Chi area mold count off the charts! Dr. Joseph Leija of Loyola's Gottlieb Mem Hosp rpts the count topped 125,000-2+ times the advisory level

[Dan Ahrens @ahrensdaniel]

Game still starting on time? @whitesox

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

This Chick-fil-A scandal has got me worried. I want to go to Arby’s but I don’t know where they stand on the unrest in Syria.