Allison S

[Allison S @all1sonn]

@CalMac_Updates hi! What time does the tarbert ticket booth open for standby?

[CBC Gem @cbcgem]

march 2020 march 2021

[Chris Redd @Reddsaidit]

Damn, listen to all these complete sentences and empathy.

[ALISON WONDERLAND @awonderland]

and just like that twitter became the goat

[Allison S @all1sonn]

@BedBathBeyond An order of mine had it's address "corrected" and is now being shipped to Nevada instead of Canada... What gives?

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Having a dedicated diaper pail with an anti-stink lid SEEMS like a good idea until you have to change the bag and you're forced to relive 50 staaaanky diapers all at once.

[Moshe Kasher @moshekasher]

You cannot simultaneously shame whites for aging like prunes and trash Mark Zuckerberg for applying geisha like sunscreen. If he dies of skin cancer who will sell our data to teenage Crimean hackers?

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Plumber: "are you okay if I shut off the water for a bit?"

My mind says yes but the flailing baby weighing on my bladder says oh hell no

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Just drove past my high school and elementary school and started crying. So yeah, coping with the 6mo preg hormones well 🤟

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Realizing all of your clothes were juuuuust the perfect size is very bittersweet when they become juuuuust too small for you

[Allison S @all1sonn]

The other day Dean and I pulled up to our friends house. Turns out their house numbrt is 1024. Dean goes "1024, that's a great number because it's a power of 2." We get it, you love math. #shitmyhusbandsays

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Thought the cat jumped out the window so started frantically searching for him. Turns out I LOCKED HIM IN THE LAUNDRY CLOSET WITH BOTH MACHINES RUNNING. Will he ever forgive me? Tune in at dinner time to find out.

[Allison S @all1sonn]

If you wish to maintain what little sanity you have left, do NOT try to sell things on Facebook marketplace. Learn from my mistake(s)

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Discovered that our cat goes HARD playing hide and seek. He insists on being "it" every time and honestly what more could you want.

[Allison S @all1sonn]

@CHEK_News Need 4 speed Ladysmith drift

[Allison S @all1sonn]

yes hello I think I am addicted to vacuuming sos

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Sweet Jesus. I’m pouring a glass of wine, kicking back, and waiting for the meltdown. We got a Category 5 coming, kiddies.

[Allison S @all1sonn]

Me: carefully moving furniture/boxes to avoid injuring my back
Also me: sleeps weird, tweaks back, can't breathe without pain 🤘🤘🤘