Amanda Bleak

Age: 34, politics: socialist, Hobbies: anxiety, Fears: west London.

[toad @thelifeoftoad]

No worries you fucking bitch

[Amanda Bleak @amanda_bleak]

When your sister asked for help entertaining the in laws. Suggestions welcome.

[Amanda Bleak @amanda_bleak]

Today someone asked me what shampoo I used and I said Tresemme. They thought I said Theresa May, so I spent an inordinate amount of time convincing them that she’d released a new wheat based haircare line that I just couldn’t resist, and GOD I enjoy my life sometimes.

[Grace @graceyldn]

Hope you’ve all got your safety glasses for the solar eclipse!

[Tharries @TharriesYT]

Someone in my comments said Farage dresses like the Jaws Mayor and now I can't unsee it

[regular sized ackman @pleas4nt]

Odysseus' men: [untying him from the mast]

Odysseus: they were just yelling "if you don't come over here you're gay!" over and over

Odysseus' men: diabolical

[chase @_chase_____]

it sucks that the only way to become someone’s best friend in adulthood is by defeating their childhood best friend in a trial by combat

[Simpsons Daily Glavins 🏴‍☠️🇺🇲 @simpsons_DG]

Christopher Nolan's Odyssey is complete crap compared to The Simpsons version...

[Amanda Bleak @amanda_bleak]

I should not have read this tweet before seeing the film.

[Matt Dinan @second_sailing]

I am considering one of the most pressing questions of our era: in a Muppets Odyssey, who would Miss Piggy play? There's an argument for: the cyclops (appetite and mēnis), Circe (native empiggification), Calypso (won't let Kermie go), Penelope (loyal, vaguely spurned)

[alistair green @mralistairgreen]

It’s all over. World Cup over , Wimbledon over. Nothing to distract you but the terrifying reality of your own thoughts now. Never mind, it’ll be autumn soon where everything dies.

[ArtButMakeItSports @ArtButSports]

Mephisto, by Joaquín Espalter y Rull, 1872, 📸 by Dan Mullan

[Mark Nelson @marknelsoncomic]

Would’ve been class if Tom Cruise had also been delivered in that wee Louis Vuitton case.

[SimpsonsEFL @EflSimpsons]

•Messi being chased down by Dan burn•

[milo edwards @Milo_Edwards]

i was 4 pints in when they announced a minute’s silence for someone who “passed away yesterday” at the start of the england game last night and without a shred of irony i went “anne widdecombe?”

[Eugene @eugeneh84]

What if Dan Burn just heads Messi out of the stadium. Is there a plan in place for this?

[Gwdihŵ 🦉 @youwouldknow]

Death’s going a bit mental with the celebrity/public figure deaths at the moment isn’t he

[alessia ☁️ @wattspanesar]

pov: ur sleep deprived as it is in the UK only for kickoff to be moved to to 2am

#MEXENG

[Martin Pilgrim @MartinPilgrim1]

I'm sick of being kept awake by the heat. I can't wait to go back to being kept awake by stupid things I said in 2014.