Quarantined Anders

True Twitter genius providing everything you could ever need for a lavish Twitter experience.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

My twitter account is 97.9% pharmaceutical-grade purified humor.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@dadmann_walking I was never funny.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

Please. Not now. The haricots verts will not sauté themselves.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@dadmann_walking 👍👍👍

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

The 6:00 pm white wine concierge appears to have taken another unscheduled day off.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@BMcArthurWrites Je vous en prie. 😂

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

The flat whisk is the black sheep of the kitchen utensil family.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

I bought a Clearly Canadian Zero Sugar and immediately understood why sugar was invented.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@BMcArthurWrites Designed for shallow pans, skillets, and tight spaces, it's primarily used to make a roux, blend pan sauces, and prevent gravies or custards from scorching. Its flat profile allows you to scrape the bottom of pans thoroughly and reach awkward edges.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

How do you pronounce route?
1) Root
2) Rhymes with grout

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@omgsidewalks Your Mom

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

I don’t think anyone needs rizz.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

No disrespect, but how many goddamn fucking Toy Story movies are there???

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

I’m leaving you guys my best Target bags.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

You just don’t seem like someone who would use the word amenable.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@dadmann_walking @dexteristwisted Uh oh. I’m sorry. 😢

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

Good Morning. You guys want like a stack of pancakes served on a fuckin’ section of railroad track?

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

Ah yes, the late afternoon Amazon Prime lounge chair. Peak occupancy as usual.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@BMcArthurWrites 😂

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@masha_slp Why we’re put in this mess is anybody’s guess.

[Quarantined Anders @andersjazz]

@Enyphil @masha_slp Charming.