Kristen

I'm about one unladylike joke away from getting my uterus revoked.

[Rachel McCartney @RachelMComedy]

Sorry I'm jumpy, I just spent 14 months afraid of the air

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Gary Bettman is absolute trash for this. Good on the @NYRangers for standing up for the safety of their players. @NHL

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

I would love to know what I pay @comcast for when this is the 4th time in a week 50% of my channels don’t work and customer service just keeps saying it’s a known issue. How about you only charge me 50% of my bill then? RIDICULOUS. 😡

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Pat Sajak makes #WheelOfFortune completely unbearable to watch. Stop being such a dick 🥴

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

While I may be the first woman in this office, I will not be the last—because every little girl watching tonight sees that this is a country of possibilities.

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

The president of the United States is calling for violence against American citizens.

That is so wrong. We need honest reckoning and reconciliation.

If you haven’t already joined the work to replace him in November, start now.

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Leave it to @MassageEnvy to keep auto billing during a PANDEMIC #trash

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

Please do not take medical advice from a man who looked directly at a solar eclipse.

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

@Starbucks Awesome!! Thanks so much

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Hey @Starbucks you think you could let me hold on to my birthday reward until quarantine is over? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Went to @ChickfilA all excited to get the Mac and Cheese, only to find a hair in it. 😒 gross.

[John Legend @johnlegend]

Please don't make this foul mouthed hashtag trend #PresidentPussyAssBitch

[April is in NYC @ReignOfApril]

Me sitting in the conference room at @Twitter as they decide whether #PresidentPussyAssBitch violates their T&C

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Funny how @SouthwestAir flights out of MCO to Milwaukee and Providence were given $300 vouchers for being delayed twice but when you delay to Pittsburgh twice with extremely short notice we get “you need to be patient” I’ll be sure to let my unborn baby know that 😒#trash

[Kristen @atouchofthought]

Excuse me @SouthwestAir how are you going to announce a SECOND delay from MCO to PIT 15 minutes before we were supposed to board with no explanation and no offer of any sort of consolation? Where is the customer service?

[Hanif Abdurraqib @NifMuhammad]

my favorite part of diners drive-ins and dives is when guy fieri excitedly appoints people positions of status within the mythical expanse of Flavortown