Alyssa Doucette

Particle physics is kind of my thing

[Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire @jlock17]

Would a laundry detergent pod work in a dishwasher? I’m really trying to avoid going to the store.

[Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life]

Imagine a horse, good job you did it

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

i don't fuck around with cryptocurrency. sure you can get very rich doing it, but when i search my heart i know its for losers

[Wendy’s @Wendys]

Changing name to Meat

[Kai @kaiklops]

Drew like a dark, fucked up version of the hamburger helper mascot haha. Just a glimpse into my dark reality. A full stare into my twisted perspective would make most simply go insane lmao

[Koko ✊🏼✊🏽✊🏿 @Kokomothegreat]

When the teacher calls you to the front of the class to explain something you weren't paying attention to

[Ham Solo @shutupmimsyyy]

@ryanyeetz Subtle yet powerful.

[rich homie 'von @Dvoleich]

@ryanyeetz

[Marty Lawrence @TeaAndCopy]

[sliding $10 towards DJ] please can you turn it down

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow
me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes
police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

guys, the key to a successful relationship is to just admit to how useless and stupid you are on a daily basis and then pay all the bills

[Burger King @BurgerKing]

gb;sughalugpaewyhg;irhdl!hflg..gss..hhrtdtudjytjghc>-8*tfls<9jdgblsvakyefe124352.b?jifdg;sualbnjg;ihs=0u65484hliugresHFUGILBSPJGMnfsig0947ws

[Diane Turnshek @DianeTurnshek]

Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the 1st.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the 2nd.
Bartender gives them water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

[jonny sun @jonnysun]

lmao - laughing my ass off

lmaoo - laughing my ass off, ow

lmaooooooo - laughing my ass off, ow ow ow owie ouch owie

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I am only 71 years old.

[Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD Bioplasticity @BuckyIsotope]

If I’m reading this right Hillary just won the NCAA basketball championship