orange shirt guy

I'm from Canada and they say I'm slow.

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

Me:[forgetting the word for water] do you have any pee fuel

[Piece @Piecezilla]

I found $5 in a hotel couch. proof that the economy is healing

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

This might sound controversial but I'm having a glass of milk

[olive @offbeatoliv]

Etsy accidentally sent me a penis statue and I’m wondering if I could convert it into a peppermill.

[Noodles @Dawn_M_]

We're both adults. Let's skip the first date and get to the part where you try and stab me.

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

@careerwidow 😳😳😳

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

They keep pronouncing Putin like French Canadians pronounce poutine and this is confusing my brain's primary salivary centres in the medulla oblongata.

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

@RdrJay47 My phone got a notification for this tweet😏

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

my farmville crops rn

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

@_little_old_me Thank you. Anything helps 🥰

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

Should I start tweeting again? I don't know if I have what it takes

[Kung Fu Kanga @_little_old_me]

Anyone else get offended when someone refers to you as a pet owner?

Like, wtf? I don't own them. They're members of my family, you insensitive fuck.

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

@_little_old_me I don't remember how or what process is involved. 😳

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

@UsfZia Thank you 🥰

[ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵̛̛̜͉̰͈̩͙͌̈̉̆̋̊͡͡e b̡͇̲̏́̐̓̐́̇eest @flashember]

Canadians are so careless with their money

[Sandra @Sanbel11]

I’ve accidentally sent my mum picture of my boobs so I followed it up with medical questions and booked a mammogram

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Plot twist: Leaves everything but takes the kitchen sink...

[Stewnami @stewnami]

Grand Theft Auto 5 is bullshit. I was in a taco truck and it told me I couldn’t pick up a woman with it.

[orange shirt guy @awkwardphilippe]

[at a club]

DJ: WHO WANTS SOME MEGADETH

*crowd cheers*

ME: (from the back) just a regular death is fine thank you