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[garshmo @garshmo]

God speaks through Woah Vicky I am serious

[Fear Before The Marge Of Simpson @cleaming_]

if stuart little was my boyfriend i would get my nipples pierced but the piercing would just be one long bar between both nips so that he can use it as a chin-up bar to do exercises

[blaire @pissshit90001]

Went to the dentist today they said I grind in my sleep #😴🤑💰

[E D. Awg @Emawnish]

🚨⚠️ 🚨⚠️ DESTROY YOUR PHONE SCREEN WITH A LARGE HAMMER IMMEDIATELY 🚨⚠️ 🚨⚠️

[Libby, strongest preygirl @libbysalt]

How can you enjoy sex it has no deckbuilding or roguelike gameplay elements to make each run unique

[Mini Modu @MinModulation]

white people be like our dog only orders doordash thrice a week

[tia ★ @tiadeeznuts]

the dominos delivery tracker just told me my exact place and time of death

[Cameron Bradford @camerobradford]

My parents would do a bit where my mom would tuck me in and my dad would come in as the "tuck-in inspector" and find my mom's job to be subpar. He'd step out in the hallway and fire her and she'd scream, begging and pleading for her job, even offering sexual favors sometimes.

[Beautiful Normal Woman @SillyBWoman]

Everything I say is a joke Unless you agree And in that case Speak to me privately I have even crazier ideas

[balrog @chickenbroth_69]

Mommy play but I'm emotionally volatile and do a bad job taking care of you and am prone to neglect, but also very controlling and manipulative

[hunter @hunter_hhhh]

backrooms review if it's good: We're. So. Freaking. Back. Rooms

backrooms review if it sucks: The Bathrooms😭✌️

backrooms review if it's somewhere in between: Happened to me one time....

[Chris @citehchris]

can you die from a lack of being called big dawg

[Dr. R. J. Vein @VeinRichard]

I come from old monkey

[Mitya @Discollaborator]

"Cap'n! The ship! She cannae take much more!" You don't know that. The ship's never been blown apart before, we have no idea what she can take. Besides, she's called the "Indomitable" not the "Domitable if you shoot us with a few cannons." We do appear to be sinking, though, yes.

[rabid dog @unrequiet]

saw you in the water

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Standing in an above ground pool and convincing a police officer he can't arrest me because I'm in open waters and he has no jurisdiction