Beards4fears

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

20’s: Bong rip, shot, chug beer, exhale.

30’s: Vape, Paxil, slam coffee, exhale.

Maturity.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

Starting a new job in a new city has so much unexpected perks. The first and foremost is the probability of me hearing the phrase “Busch latte” daily goes down dramatically.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

At 36 I am at the crossroads of whether or not it is a good idea to date or marry a woman named Tammy. Confusing times.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

My general attitude toward the world right now, I don’t even like pineapple on pizza, socks with sandals, I just want to watch the world burn.

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

I'll straight up eat peas while wearin' a beanie and beans while wearin' a peacoat I really don't give a shit anymore.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@DaeSeanAsh It took me three tries to find ones that worked, I had to settle on dailies.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@SeanSJordan I’m going to start crying, congratulations to you and the queen sir.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

Drunk thoughts: Boys are not smart enough to play MASH.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@DaeSeanLyrical Never has a phrase summarized my life so well.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

Anyone: “How many pedals, guitars, and amps do you need?”

Me: “A. Enough to warrant a second music room. B. How dare you.”

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@SeanSJordan @DougLovesMovies That’s the one where Doc Holiday drinks himself to death right? You know, dying from consumption.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

You ever have one of those days where you don’t wish death on yourself but you are also eating a disturbing amount of guac and queso? No reason.

[R. Eric Thomas @oureric]

Bernie is your uncle who walks into your graduation dinner, hands you a check he just ripped out of his checkbook, no card, and asks the waiter where the nearest UPS Dropbox is because he needs to return something while he’s out.

[Megan Amram @meganamram]

Today was the day Donald trump finally became president

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@DaeSeanLyrical It’s like walking out on the job two days before your two weeks notice is up because your boss asked you to do the exact same thing you’ve been doing for 4 years.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

3D ultrasounds are creepy and every baby looks like Kuato from Total Recall.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@AllFantasyPod How I know I’m getting older is that upon rewatching Curb Your Enthusiasm I sympathize with Larry David far too often.

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@amymiller Popsicles girl, if it works for getting your tonsils removed it is bound to work for sucking dick.

[Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi @roywoodjr]

Rep. Clyburn so ready for this week to be over. 😂😂. Election Day he was on MSNBC glowing! 2 days later he done snatched down the lights and signs , switched to the laptop camera, and put on the grey sweats. 😂😂

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@_gh0stn @DaeSeanLyrical Holy fuck

[Beards4fears @beards4fears]

@amymiller Seriously though as with everything ICP, collective outrage will ensue over the party, only to find out they have provided masks, whole party stocked with faygo with straws, everyone is 12 feet apart, and they are giving free covid screenings.