store brand john mulaney

he/him, coastal elite

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

Paul Blart Mall Klarp

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

Was in a restaurant the other day that played yellow by Coldplay and pay phone by maroon 5 within the span of a meal. Both great songs so, nothing really notable about this

[Thomas White @len0killer]

First time making lasagna. Starting to see how it earned its name! Yeah, it take sa damn lang a to la amke to make la to asagn agn the damn plate la sa in the gasne oven!

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

highly scientific stuff going on here

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

very funny that these are the only options for this question on the senior survey

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

@IsaacGelb

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

I was satisfied with the Soccer Mommy on April 7

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

Billy Joel trying to be reassuring: uhh never change your clothes. or your hair. (sweating) you’re not clever, but in a good way. It’s nice that I don’t have to try hard when I’m talking to you

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

Sad to see the college is still firmly in the pocket of Big Maple

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

Asparagus and beets earn their place among the most exciting tier of vegetables by providing the momentary thrill of thinking you’re experiencing a medical emergency. Few other foods subvert the typical urination experience so successfully

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

@tomwaits hey Tom what’s your rice purity test score? Probably pretty low based on ur vibe haha. Let me know!

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

sorry for the niche bowdoin tweet but I just found out who the Roux center is named after lol

[Thomas White @len0killer]

What is it about the “Oscars” that turns everybody into such a damn “Grouch?” 😏

[campbell g @rodeoman]

she calls me richard the way i’m down to link later

[barleyxcx @IsaacGelb]

Asked the Bowdoin career development office for help with my oil baron aspirations and they roasted my LinkedIn and then took away my room and board

[store brand john mulaney @billy_____joel]

One of those fake court shows like Judge Judy but the judge is Gordon Ramsey and he’s adjudicating specifically food-related disputes. It’s called “Sue Chef.” Pretty much printing my own money over here

[Tristan Wheeler @tbone_wheeler]

(Me in the criterion closet) huh okay. Yeah, haven’t really heard of any of these movies…