blake rae

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

My 3 month old: Goo

Me: Listen, I still feel like you aren’t quite appreciating the finesse and painstaking care it took to craft the perfect tweet in exactly 180 characters or le

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

I thought it would be annoying to wake up in the middle of the night with a new baby but actually the most annoying part is keeping their socks on

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

At this point the coffee shop by my house should just get a direct deposit from my paycheck each week

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

My baby won’t ever be a sad beige baby because it doesn’t work with her color analysis

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

@AmericanAir I have shared the details and American Airlines doesn’t care. (As confirmed by this interaction.)

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

@AmericanAir after hours waiting for customer service due to flight cancelation + multiple delays resulting in an overnight stay you email me saying you are “sorry to hear that you're disappointed with our response” even though you have done next to nothing to remedy the issue?

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

@AmericanAir Sorry if I misunderstood, but the reply I received does not sound like they are planning to do anything to make it right.

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

@americanai75512 Go away bot

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

@JonM_Garcia She got the ick, mannnn

[erin chack @ErinChack]

[my first day in a drug cartel]
kingpin: where's the coke
me: is pepsi ok? hehe
[later]
police: this is the most bullet holes we've ever seen in a single body

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

Spotify made me a top songs playlist which is exclusively Harry Styles

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

Resisting the urge to watch my roomba vacuum instead of working

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

Finally feeling like myself again (eating only cheese and crackers and wine for dinner)

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

This is what he gets for shaming me on a daily basis

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

NOOO NOT THE DUOLINGO BIRD ON THE GRILL!!!!

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

I lose a little respect for myself every time I accidentally click on the sponsored ads on Facebook marketplace

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

People in LA really out here paying $300/month for a gym membership to stay skinny but valeting at the mall because they don’t want to walk across a big parking lot

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

Nothing has shaken me more in my professional career than showing up to my company’s gym and having them take one look before assuming I was just there to “look around”

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

also, this is my proudest accomplishment to date

[blake rae @blakevanaken]

when I say I PANICKED bc I almost forgot to download Harry’s House before getting on the plane…