Brandon Suir

Shake my hand. Occupation: lunatic. Americanist. Jackass of all tirades.

@the_willful

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Cutting fiber out of my diet has really paid off. I'm down to 3 farts a day.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Supposedly, assisted suicide isn't legal in this country. But I've seen egg salad sandwiches being sold in gas stations. So you tell me.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

You hear that?... That's the sound of Belgium winning... no one cares.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Biggest plot hole in Starship Troopers is Rico's dad thinking he's going to Harvard after getting a 35 on his math final.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

When I go to Taco Bell, I always pretend Im on the phone ordering for several people. Those 8 Cheesy Gordita Crunches and 3 Mexican Pizzas are not for me.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Yall burning shit when you lose, throwing chairs at employees at a Five Guys when you win. There's multiple emotions to pick from after a game, yall don't have to choose the same one every time. Knicks fans are not to used to winning.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

I've contacted 2 hydroblasting companies, their prices too high. I bought paint thinner and a flat-head screwdriver, that didn't work. Google is no help. Please, someone, how to you peel a scab?

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Where my pamphlet fans at?

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Coke Zero? Why don't you just stick a fork in my dick.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

"On your resume, under skills, you have 'golf color commentator'"

*adjusts tie*

"That's the thing about sand, Verne. It beats mud."

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

Speed begs the question, "What if a guy got on a bus?"

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@JoeyCavalier @barstoolsports

[Louise Sugden @Sughammer]

What if I told u I made Space Marines out of play doh

And then I painted them

And these were those space marines...

👀

#warhammer #WarhammerCommunity

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@rhettohrick How I remember it.

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@JoeyCavalier Joey the Mind Sculpter

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@JoeyCavalier @FootbaIIism He really was.

[kb @karinasophia12]

Somebody said NFL concussion protocol woulda let JFK back in the parade 😭😭😭😭😭

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@JoeyCavalier @TheScottAdkins Goddamn that looks fucking awesome.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Best Buy employees lined up in cover 3 defense to stop them from leaving

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@JoeyCavalier Chris Rock handled that shit like "Dude, I'm a comedian. You really think that's the first time that has happened to me?"

[Brandon Suir @BrandonSuir]

@JoeyCavalier Consensual violence