ok we can’t say...anything...
except.
if you want a percy jackson tv show...
and we got like 75k or 100k likes on this tweet, that would
*not be a bad thing*
Therapist: What's wrong?
Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce
Therapist: And who told you that?
Me: *tearfully clears throat*
By age 30 you should be
-swift as the coursing river
-with all of the force of a great typhoon
-with all the strength of a raging fire
-mysterious as the dark side of the moon
I work at a bookstore and this was an actual conversation I had at work last night:
5 year old boy: *brings me a romance book* what's this?
me: a story about two people falling in love!
b: .... is there a dragon in it?
me: no..
b: then why do you even have it on the shelf?
fellas you have $145 to build the perfect mom
$2000 - an actual mom
$800 - a dog
$450 - your friend’s daughter
$5 - transmutation circle
$40 - your leg
$70 - your little brother
$30 - your arm
Why Paddington 2 is actually a Mission: Impossible movie:
- has a high-speed chase through London
- villain disguises himself as other people
- ends with a train pursuit where the villain loses