Brian Finkelstein

I sometimes host The Moth, sometimes write down stuff for money, and always want you to love me as much as I hate myself.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

@COGWaterPower Christmas Eve, 6 year old, 80 year old parents, and no power for 10+hours and counting- please fuck off !

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

I imagined what it would be like if my 70-year-old mother tried to kill a man elected president in 2016. Then I wrote a novel about it. I mean, it's totally fiction and made up. But you can for real, buy it here. https://t.co/1O49OtDiTZ

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

She won! (First)

[Jon Stewart @jonstewart]

Legend.

[Mama Needs A Movie @MamaPod]

Writer and performer Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein returns to the podcast for our "Alone for the Holidays" film series, discussing Robert Zemeckis's lonely survival tale, CAST AWAY!

Listen on Apple: https://t.co/niW4Up4G9e

Listen on Spotify: https://t.co/ezgdntOkv4

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

https://t.co/LvFqdBfsCJ

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

I’ll never trust a doctor who tells me there’s nothing wrong with me.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

Today I saw somebody I knew in the supermarket, somebody I actually like and I hid from them. It was the most normal I have felt since the pandemic started.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

In full-on, “I dink your milkshake” from There Will Be Blood cadence me leaning over, eye to eye with my four year old and yelling, “I eat your birthday party piñata candy!”

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

@AllieGoertz So sorry.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

Tomorrow is going to be a bad day. I give you permission to start smoking again.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

@blacksab67 @Fieldingedlow No way. Last tour perfect. End on a high.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

It’s a hard day for us Sarah Paliin fans, but I’m excited to see what she fails at next!

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

@ritchied A goddamn artist you are.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

Dear Bruce, you’re only 3 right now, but someday when you’re older and scrolling through my tweets, I want you to know that when we put you to bed every night we had ice cream or cupcakes even though we told you there was no treats for you after dinner. Sorry. Not sorry.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

For the past 33 years, I have thought about the "they fuck you at the drive-thru" Joe Pesci speech from Lethal Weapon 2, every single day.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

@johnroderick But of course!

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

Today I stopped writing to go outside and chase a squirrel away from the window because his eating was too noisy and was distracting me. This completed my transformation into a character from a late 80’s Chevy Chase movie and I would like to now say goodbye forever. Good luck.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

Hit me up when you start looking to staff your room, for your limited series, based off the podcast about tonight’s Oscars.

[Brian Finkelstein @bsfinkelstein]

Normalize not having any friends.