c8x05dH5

my hovercraft is full of eels

[Coddled Affluent Professional @feelsdesperate]

I sat my 7-year-old down and explained to him that dying industries (legacy media, academia, DNC politics) ride algorithmically driven cultural hysterias both because it’s the only way they can stay relevant and because their business models demand it.

He looked up at me and with a tear in his eyes asked, ‘so, for the sake of the journos, the assistant professors, and Dem Politics Inc, we’re obligated to attest to the moral urgency of the hysteria and act completely emotionally dysregulated?’

‘Yes,’ I answered him. ‘Yes, that’s right.’

And then we both sat quietly.

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@ItsLulu_7 "Imagine" is doing a lot of work here. Imagine all of the biological rules governing viral evolutionary dynamics just... went away

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@TheMastaMasta @ryancohen @APompliano @Comedyorwat @ryancohen ain't gonna let nobody snub this poiussy.

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@foxenflask @noctis_research Yea, wonder how he is you transforming for cum short imbalance and vol ratio from the raw finra numbers so we can check ourselves..

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@kurtsaltrichter why is opus vomiting all over this damn app?

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@thewillcrozier @saylor Rage bait. He's certainly crushing something...

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@foxenflask The net revenue comparison is really insane given that ebay has no inventory, no stores, and gamestop has both...

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@BrandonNie43375 @BloombergTV @EdLudlow Scroll this guys feed, he is a bot. Or better yet, block and report

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@BloombergTV @EdLudlow RC killed it. Sort of feel bad for this simp interviewer who is obviously a mouthpiece for something powerful that he doesn't understand.

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@foxenflask "Did you do your HoMeWoRk?!" the schoolmarm scolding energy is shocking, even for these financial media npcs.

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@Alinavisoootime Mid tier prompting, you can do bettef

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@ryancohen I'd love a job as assistant to the regional senior manager of marketing efficiency. You think they're hiring for that role, too? This team must be like 35 people deep, right??

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@LifeLessonsAcad @unusual_whales Solid shill account, good work

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@unusual_whales "NoT CrEdIbLe"

[ɖʀʊӄքǟ ӄʊռʟɛʏ 🇧🇹🇹🇩 @kunley_drukpa]

“In my country we have a unique dish called dough with meat inside”

“Mmm - this is fucking delicious”

“We get together with our community and eat dough with meat inside”

“That shit is what it’s all about”

“Dough with meat inside is very important to us”

“I hate white people”

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@compound248 @WallStRollup Just to be clear, this aged like milk

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@ConwayYen @marketswithmay @bigbigsqueeze I hope you get paid well to be out here in the comments like this

[c8x05dH5 @cantharellusc]

@foxenflask Great thread, thanks for the deep dive. I agree with the sentiment (been shopping this way for years, strongly prefer vintage quality goods over mass market crap).

Worth noting that Ebay recently started listing native ads on FB marketplace as well, so lots of synergy.

[Patrick Neve @catholicpat]

What if we built one big data center in the middle of the country, instead of all the small ones?

Maybe so big it reaches all the way to heaven?

[bad robot ventures @foxenflask]

Be Like Jamie Iannone, CEO of $EBAY

- Slip, fall and land at Booz Allen Hamilton, the consulting firm of choice for people who want a prestigious first line on their résumé
- Join Epinions dot com just in time for it to get absorbed into irrelevance
- Spend eight years at eBay as a VP, accumulate titles, leave no memorable legacy, walk out the door
- Become EVP at Barnes & Noble's Nook division, watch sales crater 61%, depart with two other senior executives just before the full reckoning arrives
- Get promoted to COO of Walmart U.S. eCommerce, hold that title for three weeks, jump ship to eBay
- Become eBay CEO in April 2020 on the strength of a collapsed e-reader division and a month of Walmart COO experience
- Coin the phrase "tech-led reimagination" and repeat it for five years
- Inherit a campus pub called "The Sellar" serving free beer and wine daily from 3 PM to 6 PM, built at company expense as a replica of your predecessor's favorite Manhattan bar, inside a company whose culture federal court documents described as one of "heavy drinking" pervasive throughout the workday
- Inherit the fallout from your predecessor's security chief, Jim Baugh, ex-CIA operative, who ran a terror campaign against newsletter journalists involving live spiders, cockroaches, a fetal pig, a funeral wreath, death threats, pornographic magazines sent to neighbors, and a 3,000-mile surveillance drive to Massachusetts in a black van
- Watch seven eBay employees convicted, Baugh sentenced to 57 months in federal prison, eBay hit with six felony charges and the maximum $3 million criminal fine, ordered to address "consumption of alcohol to excess on Company premises," and keep The Sellar open anyway
- Watch the victims settle just before trial after seeking $466 million in punitive damages
- Collect $144 million in compensation over six years, never buy a single share of eBay stock, and execute 53 insider transactions, all sales, offloading $71.59 million in gifted shares
- Redefine GMV, call a $13 billion annual impact "immaterial," then when restated buyer figures still look bad, stop reporting active buyers altogether and pivot to metrics you define and control
- Preside over 16 consecutive quarters of active buyer counts below Q1 2018 levels, watching the total fall from 163 million to 136 million, padding that last number with 1 million acquired via Tise
- Raise seller fees every single year, build ad revenue to a nearly $2 billion annualized run rate by changing attribution so one click triggers fees on every subsequent sale for 30 days, sending seller ad costs from 30-40% to 80-90%+ of sales with no increase in actual returns
- Mask GAAP operating margin declining from 37.6% in 2020 to 20.8% in 2025 by always leading with the non-GAAP figure, making the business look 5-6 points healthier than it is
- Lay off 500, then 1,000, then 800 employees while your own pay grows
- Acquire TCGplayer for $295 million, watch its employees unionize, hire a union-busting law firm, strip workers' rights language from your own human rights policy, lose every NLRB case, and only bargain when legally forced
- Acquire Depop for $1.2 billion, a company losing $54 million on $128 million in revenue that Etsy already wrote down by $425 million, call it a Gen Z strategy, ignore Morgan Stanley projecting it won't break even until 2028
- Sell 343,000 banned emissions defeat devices and 23,000 illegal pesticides years after federal cease-and-desist orders, then schedule a sustainability media blitz the same afternoon the DOJ files suit
- Have Ryan Cohen and $GME offer $125 per share, a 46% premium and an all-time high valuation, and reject it as "neither credible nor attractive" while margins decline, buyers leave, and your latest acquisition loses money
- Have Cohen note you took $144 million and bought zero shares while he invested $128 million of his own money and draws no salary
- Call it a comeback
- Keep selling your stock

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡