Kapitano McPhockary

Enjoy the tweets.

[Kapitano McPhockary @capnmcfword]

Everyone's trying to sound all mysterious and full of depth and I'm like why is everyone dressed in athletic apparel to relax?

[🇨🇦𖤐 Father Red McGee 𖤐 🇨🇦 @FatherRedMcgee]

I'm tired. So fucking tired.

[Avogadro’s House of Moles @schumoo]

I don't know how much longer I can keep faking that I have a personality

[Avogadro’s House of Moles @schumoo]

I'm clueless, believe me it helps

[morecodesthanMI5 @morethanMI5]

Some people will always try to bring you down..
And a lot of them will call you friend

[morecodesthanMI5 @morethanMI5]

Congratulations on logging back in and realising that no one gives a fuck

[ugh ™ @oconeebuildr]

A good rule of thumb is 1 car length for every bumper sticker.

[Kapitano McPhockary @capnmcfword]

If you've always wanted a place to express yourself and have strangers shit all over it to make themselves feel significant, my friend, you've found your home.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

No one gives a shit about that conversation screenshot in your header.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Sorry I unfollowed you but you posted a meme that ended with a preposition.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Nothing says "I don't give a fuck" in the worst possible way like an adult man out in public wearing pajamas.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

One thing I've learned in life is never take advice from a non-military dude wearing a beret.

[Kapitano McPhockary @capnmcfword]

Everyone loves passion as long as you know when to shut the fuck up.

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

I only shine in your reflection. Like the moon to the sun, I would be a dark nothing without you.

[Matty Boom Batty @vlowgoes]

Ever wonder how long you could be missing in action before anybody came to look for you.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Fuck 2020? The only reason 2020 sucked was because humans are a selfish trash pile species with zero regard for each other's wellbeing. Now, take the burrowing owl for example, that’s a species I can get behind.

[Henry 3000 @Henry_3000]

So, it's 2021 and we've just put a new coat of paint on the old house ignoring the fact that the foundation has rotted.

['ti Reynard @tiReynard]

Nervous about covid vaccine?

Listen, if the ecstasy, acid, cocaine, truck stop fuckin, sex parties, living 4yrs on only ramen, & that 1 time I smoked crack bc “why not,” didn’t hurt or kill me...

what this vaccine gon’ do?!

NOTHIN

Surprised i don’t glow in the dark by now

[Kapitano McPhockary @capnmcfword]

Religion? Does Mitch Hedberg and Charles Bukowski count?