Captain Notcut

📝writer and storyteller💡#wildimagination #dyslexic not dailysax

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

Being surrounded by horizon is the ultimate freedom.

#sunset #sail #adventure #freedom

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

Is it just me, or does this look like a giant floating #contraceptive?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@atrupar But the guy’s a lemon 🍋

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@fuzzlime @Bob_Janke I’m sure there are better uses for your mouth organ

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@JodingersCat Oui, oui, oui all the way home.

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@sunkisseeddd1 @JodingersCat Followed later by The Supper Club #MakeASequelInteresting

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@lifewithshar Is that ‘six’ in a kiwi accent?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@samlymatters Nandos is South African, but I’m sure they’ll forgive you.

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@callegra88 @Noonesp07794441 Tactical Chunder?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@TashaJacksTweet I guess everyone needs to mastur something in their lives

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@bonniemcfarlane Are you missing the bit about getting locked up?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@poutinesmoothie @ellentee Been trying to catch flies again?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@IfIwassomething @ellentee Roald Dahl has already written a book about that.

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@BBCWorldatOne @Sarah_Montague @JamesCleverly What the...? Have ducks now taken control?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@JJWhitesnake Put it back up again?

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@JuddApatow No more interviews for @realDonaldTrump then. Those in glasshouses and all that...

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

#WaysToScareYourDate by explaining that you have skid marks

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@SheaBrowning whilst waving at yourself in the mirror on the ceiling

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@knew_nic @Noonesp07794441 Monday is double teaming with C U Next Tuesday

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

@AbsentAznMom @Talk_To_The_Hat The tone of that tweet had a spinal chord

[Captain Notcut @CaptainNotcut]

Thanks @theribman, and you’re not kidding with this one!