Andy Carver

[Lee @UptheToffees__]

This app is finished. Thousands of cunts, frothing at the mouth hoping that the attacker in Southport has a non-British name, just so they feel better about their own racist views. Not one bit of sympathy towards the families and kids who are affected. Just racist bile. Finished

[Guy Charnock @GuyCharnock]

Golf is the only hobby that you get excited for all week, play, then hate it.

Then the cycle starts again 😂

[Lucy @LMAsaysno]

what the reduced ginsters sees in the 24 hour texaco

[Tim Farron @timfarron]

We have recalled Agent Truss from the field, her work is complete.

[Peter Smith @Redpeter99]

When you've football at 8pm and the dissolution of the monasteries at 11pm.

[Jim Cornelius @Jim_Cornelius]

I’m ready for election night!

Thank you @christhebarker.

[Hutch @nolittleman]

There’s one lad on in this pub and he’s just spent 25 minutes making intricate cocktails for about four women while the bar is ten deep. There needs to be some sort of triage system.

[Brian Cox @ProfBrianCox]

They’ve given up now. It seems to me that the Conservative Party’s strategy is to bury their heads in the sand until after the election, at which point they will blame the in-coming Labour government for the (escalating) consequences of Brexit and claim that it would have been fine if only we had a Conservative government.

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

Merry and Pippin have a sniper rifle this time. The whole trilogy takes approximately 37 minutes.

[Nick Reilly @NickJWReilly]

Delighted to see that Reform are fielding Terry Tibbs in my local area.

[Andy Carver @CarverAndy]

@_BoroStats @pacarver @StevenageFC Ohhh EFL.. apologies

[Andy Carver @CarverAndy]

@pacarver @_BoroStats @StevenageFC He even scored in the FA Trophy final against York!

[Jonny Sharples @JonnyGabriel]

I enjoyed the first few levels of this but then it started to go really, really weird.

[Ross Sayers @Sayers33]

[Ally McCoist & Darren Fletcher watching Dune]

Fletcher: what a performance from young Paul Atreides. Ever ridden a worm Ally?
McCoist: oh many moons ago
Fletcher: that's not what the Bene Gesserit told me
McCoist: *laughing* well...I'm no Lisan al Gaib I have to say

[Andy Carver @CarverAndy]

@pacarver @StevenageFC Ex Prem ref Bobby Madley. Giving free kicks for everything.

[Jonny Sharples @JonnyGabriel]

“...it's just interesting how there's been an increase in the number of days in February since the vaccine mandate was rolled out”

[Josh Bolton @joshdbolton]

Good morning from Woolwich Crown Court, where a defendant has just volleyed a bin down the hall because a judge decided that her son* should be put down.

*Her ‘son’ is an XL Bully which attacked a 7-year-old boy, then an 18-year-old student a few days later.