cass

a lot to deal with and not in a good way

[cass @casskeeley]

My fiancé can’t remember what he ate for dinner last night but will never forget that one time I casually said “yeah, I’d fuck Lil Wayne.”

[cass @casskeeley]

@Kathleen_McGee She was amazing!

[cass @casskeeley]

So white that when I was in high school, my brother got a live horse as a gift and named it Slim Shady

[cass @casskeeley]

Texted my sleeping fiancé many times last night to ask if he remembered what our baby's lips looked like on an ultrasound. Pregnancy is fun.

[cass @casskeeley]

@ValaAfshar @JeremyNorgard baaaaabe look at this

[cass @casskeeley]

I've spent most of my adult life being just blown away by how much rugs cost

[cass @casskeeley]

My phone autocorrects "I know" to "I KNOOOOOOOOWWW" which should tell you everything you need to know about me

[cass @casskeeley]

@farfromsea oh they're insane. Puff pastry with thanksgiving stuffing in them.

[cass @casskeeley]

Got recognized at the grocery store as "that girl who's always trying to buy stuffing rolls late at night." Feeling pretty blessed.

[cass @casskeeley]

At 12:00 on New Year's Eve, I went in for the kiss so hard that I split my lip open and started gushing blood. Happy New Years, everybody.

[cass @casskeeley]

@ivandecker I did that today too! So glad I moved back to this snow prison!

[cass @casskeeley]

@SSDated I miss you and love you too!!!!! 😘😘😘

[cass @casskeeley]

Today, I tried on a faux fur cape that turned out to be a Christmas tree skirt so things are going great, thank you for asking

[cass @casskeeley]

If you are drowning in a sea of grief and anguish, the best life raft to grab hold of is the official music video of "I Wish" by Skee-Lo.

[cass @casskeeley]

Pretty incredible that it's 2016 and people still can't be arrested for sighing too much.

[cass @casskeeley]

In high school, I wrote a paper comparing a Pablo Neruda poem to a Matchbox 20 song and that tells you everything you need to know about me.

[im on the ither sight @jon_snow_420]

god: i have made Mankind
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety

[Mara Wilson @MaraWilson]

If you pride yourself on being offensive, maybe take some classes in woodworking or cooking or something useful you can be proud of

[brent @murrman5]

[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this?
[next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?

[the garbage shit boy @davedittell]

ME: ugh how did I get so drunk last night
*flashback to me drinking a lot of beer for hours*
ME: I guess we'll never know