Heartacat

Hey, I'm just here for the free spirits.

[Heartacat @catelatte]

At the grocery store. Really only needed booze and cat food, but I threw in some tampons and condoms to make it less awkward.

[Heartacat @catelatte]

@AngieDavisHaha Wow. I’m glad you’re still here, too. DM me, anytime. ❤️

[Mike Scully @scullymike]

The biggest lie sung by blues musicians was that they woke up in the morning.

[Heartacat @catelatte]

Fuck zoos. Animals are not here for our entertainment.

[Heartacat @catelatte]

@metacognizant_ 😂🙋🏼🏆

[Krvn @metacognizant_]

When I fail my first attempt at parallel parking, I just drive away. Can’t have bystanders see me struggle.

[Krvn @metacognizant_]

HOW ADULTS MEET PEOPLE
1. Think someone is awesome
2. Get to know them better
3. Find out they're not
4. Spend lifetime avoiding them

[Krvn @metacognizant_]

If I don't roll my eyes when you say something dumb, it's like I held in a sneeze.

[Krvn @metacognizant_]

A lost & found, but for when you forget what you were just thinking.

[Krvn @metacognizant_]

My ancestors survived genocide so that I may text you this dick pic.

[Krvn @metacognizant_]

A first date should be the two of you looking through your medicine cabinets.

[Kara Morehart @KaraMorehart]

I use tupperware containers as bowls far too much for a 30 year old human.

[O @pointcarre2497]

I'm just siting here minding my own business and I look down at my wrist and see this

[nobody @sophieisnobody]

I swear I've got to that stage of lazy where I get excited about cancelled plans

[nobody @sophieisnobody]

when people ask me if i want to meet up, i lie and say "sure". sometimes i'll even add "what time?" for decoration

[denise @Stellacopter]

[Meeting someone new]
Me: Hi, i don't always look like this.

[Heartacat @catelatte]

Another Prick In The Wall #TrumpTributeBands

[Heartacat @catelatte]

@notadrianmonroy Yeah, no way. Too bad he's not on Twitter anymore.

[elizabeth @Elizasoul80]

Him: Where have you been all my life?

Me: "Why would you want to know all of that?"

[Pseudo Cyd @Cyd10e]

The only reason I have so much patience is because I rarely ever use it.