Chris Burns

comic/writer/actor and purveyor of fine comedy for all ages!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

DM@gregasdourian yes I is!:-)

[Lydia Popovich @hatertuesday]

TONIGHT - @oaklandlayover 8:30pm FREE @LadiesLayover wit jokes from @MargaGomez @cburnscomedy @MeJaneYouShutUp @NatashaMuse & more!

[National Geographic @NatGeo]

Dolphin with deformity adopted by pod of sperm whales: http://t.co/VhJnNObV

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

@marcellacomedy OMG ms Barajas I'm not stupid or a bitch!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

@marcellacomedy Bitch I will name drop all ova to damn jokes!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

@ZahraNoo are u in LA this weekend? If so I wanna see ur show!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

@chantalcarrere yo go gurl!!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

@marcellacomedy thanks for being a good friend. Alex Borstein thinks u do look like a model:-) ha ha!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

I am very disappointed in Mitt Romney's tweets lately

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

why don't 1 yr old babies know how to talk?

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

Just had tater tots drizzled in truffle oil...the ironic hipster treat!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

Happy bday @katiecompa ur so lucky u get to see @Mremilyheller naked ass!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

I vow to spend 2012 getting in shape for the zombie apocalypse #racefortheviruscure

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

Occupy Kim kardashian's marriage!!!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

@MrEmilyHeller you are a comic to watch. Im watching u!

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

Unusually warm in SF feels like earthquake 'weather'

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

On the air with Nikki Blakk on 107.7 the Bone yapping about stuff

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

Just did a mystical comedy set at Cobb's tonite, I lost all sense of time

[Emily Heller @MrEmilyHeller]

If any New Yorkers want earthquake tips, I was in SF in '89. My suggestions involve being picked up by my mom and not understanding anything

[Chris Burns @cburnscomedy]

One of my superpowers is sleeping until noon