Christina Moniz

[Christina Moniz @chris13_820]

Do these pants make my forehead look big?

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Guy dressed as the grim reaper was just driving a car with my exact social security number on his license plate. Probably nothing

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

simon and garfunkel more like penis and fart uncle

[piss girl @xtsygirll]

i’m like if a girl was an uncle

[chody @chodypatrick]

oh shit I totally forgot it’s bring your open mouth wet cough to the coffee shop day

[uMARAZOR @zizithebadgal]

to do list:

- add fuel to the fire
- burst someone’s bubble
- add my 2 cents
- skate on thin ice
- stir the pot

[madeleine✶ @pilatesgirly]

bought olive oil today

[Lake Canada 🇨🇦 @LakeSuperior]

blup gargle splosh sploosh bloop schwump slosh burble fleck plip splash bulge flush flack a flack gurgle shuh bloop bloopgurgle sploosh shuh shuh bloop blllggghh slosh dopp plop shuh splish bloop bloop blup bulge plip plip plop plip plop flush

[mau @rllydu]

go ahead and jump in the hotdog water since u wanna act like a weenie

[☔ @Whotfismick]

Me: i have a headache

WebMD: and it’ll be your last

[Elizabeth Pancotti @ENPancotti]

nothing screams cutting inefficiency quite like co department heads

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

[pulling back my aggressive dog] sorry lol he can tell you were born out of wedlock

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they're having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

[gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi]

BREAKING: The bill from Schoolhouse Rock has taken his own life

[Wraith LaFrentz @WraithLaFrentz]

(Sisyphus checking his todo list) oh nice only one task. Should be a light day

[Dow @mark_dow]

Harris rn killing a baby in his 78th year

[Kylie Brakeman @deadeyebrakeman]

I can’t believe “they’re eating the dogs” was a REBUTTAL to “You say weird stuff at your rallies”

[erin chack @ErinChack]

no i don’t want to jump on a call i want to jump off a building