Hannah Jones

I was a comedian once, but then I moved to france which didn’t really help my career. So now I mainly use this Twitter account to tweet stuff my kids say.

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

In the year 2000 I went on the @HoE_School french exchange and met Morgane. I was terrible at french but it was a great experience. 25 years later I live in france, my kids are bilingual, I’m still not amazing at french but it was great to see my friend again.

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

“I had a dream where a dog was wearing sunglasses and roller skates, but the roller skates were cats” #ericquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Percy “We just high fived each other on the tongue!”
Eric “Ha ha yeah tongue 5” 😝
#brothers #percyquotes #ericquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

“Did dogs get named after doggy paddle or the other way round?” #ericquotes

Hey that unnamed creature is swimming doggy paddle shall we call it a dog?

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

“This was more fun than I wanted it to be” #ericquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Hey @Adele I thought you might be happy to know that your image is being used to describe the word beautiful to children learning English living in the Pyrenees town Prades. This is the official PowerPoint I’ve been sent from my company. #madeit

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

“Look at my new crab gloves!” 🦀
They’re called mittens Eric. #ericquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

I’ve just today discovered I love the music of @Beverleyknight

how did I get into it? I’ve been teaching “conditional phrases” in my english class and I thought her music coulda woulda shoulda helped my students learn. Thanks Beverley.

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

@TomHenryComedy I had this exact discussion once years ago and we came up with “Yorkshire pudding fest” I also now refer to heterosexual couples as “toad in the hole”

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Percy (9) I will marry a French woman because I want to live in France and if I married an English woman I would have to do the french paperwork for her.
Eric (6) I will marry a English man or woman and I will teach French in England.
That their lives sorted then.

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

“Stop showing off mummy, you’re going to hurt yourself”
- my 8 year old #percyquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Eric (age 6) “Hit me with that pillow again Percy”
Percy (age 8) “ok where?”
Eric “the tongue! 👅”
*both giggling their heads off* 😂

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

A joke from my six year old:
what do you call a statue made of sausages?
A pig! 🐷
#ericquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

@FreddyQuinne Have you seen women selling grazing tables?! It’s just food on a table without plates. 🤯

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Good. I love it when you do general queries not just boring tax stuff. My 6 year old wants to know do tattoos last in heaven?

[HMRC Customer Support @HMRCcustomers]

Good morning, @HMRCcustomers are here until 8pm to answer your general queries on Twitter. Please don't post any personal details.

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

It’s so true that women have to work 20% harder to get the same respect as men. For example every time I write “allée” (eg je suis allée) I have to use 5 letters when my lazy husband can just put “allé.” stupid sexist french language.

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

@gracesnow @Ryanair I’m also wondering if you could make a skate that attaches to a suitcase. It’s mad to go for a 2 week holiday and take wheels with you but those wheels only get used when you’re carrying your suitcase. What a waste, if only the wheels could be multifunctional. 🛼🧳🛼

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Ok @Ryanair genuine question… can you wear roller skates 🛼 on a plane? Because they’re a bit bulky to pack so maybe I could just wear them and pack some light pumps. Would that be genius or the stupidest thing I’ve ever done?

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

Me: I really want to have a Guinness world record one day.

Percy: don’t worry mum if you don’t we can do “most rubber ducks at a funeral” 🐤🐤🐤

Well that’s a huge weight off my mind. I’m going to be a record breaker either way @GWR #worldrecord #percyquotes

[Hannah Jones @comedyhan]

“I’m playing the guitar with my willy” #ericquotes #Eurovision