jules

No one is ever around when I'm this funny.

[jules @coolworrier]

Create more problems until you're dead.

[jules @coolworrier]

@vicvicvicvicv Anti-like amirite boys?

[jules @coolworrier]

Here’s my tweet to not even acknowledge that I haven’t tweeted in 3 or so years.

[jules @coolworrier]

@vicvicvicvicv Ahooga

[jules @coolworrier]

@vicvicvicvicv Babysit the man-child in the picture.

[jules @coolworrier]

@LpSpecial2 missin’ you.

[jules @coolworrier]

@jtimberlake yo wtf no bye bye bye?

[jules @coolworrier]

Havin’ a blast.

[palmer @decentbirthday]

⚪️A
⚪️B
⚪️C
⚪️D
⚪️E
⚪️F
⚪️G
⚪️H
⚪️I
⚪️J
⚪️K
⚪️L
⚪️M
⚪️N
⚪️O
⚪️P
⚪️Q
⚪️R
⚪️S
⚪️T
⚪️U
⚪️V
⚪️W
🔘X
⚪️Y
⚪️Z

gon' give it to:
⚪️someone else
🔘ya

[palmer @decentbirthday]

Just compiled some shocking new data

[jules @coolworrier]

Most ambitious; least successful.

[ford 🐧 @ford_rentals]

when domino's delivers

[Steve vs. Ninjas @stevevsninjas]

Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts.
Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here

[lisi @nnaliese]

*on Ellen*
ELLEN: so i hear u tweet about wanting to die
ME: haha yeah, i do
*Death comes out, creeps up behind me*
ME: omg ellen you didnt

[palmer @decentbirthday]

*phone rings*

Me: *yawns* who the hell is calling me at *checks watch* ever

[jules @coolworrier]

Just say something.

[palmer @decentbirthday]

Friend: we need a place to hide this penguin

Me: *opens fridge* i have an idea

Friend: oh smart

Me: *grabs beer* how bout your closet

[jules @coolworrier]

when you secretly want to die but you play it cool cause you're at the zoo.

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

GF: ...I'm pregnant

ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news

[jules @coolworrier]

I hate myself drunk almost as much as I hate myself sober.

[HIDEO_KOJIMA @HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN]

Bought my favorite The XX's 3rd album "I See You".