Bon Ivavra

Here for a long time, not a good time

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

Disney's Inside Out 2: Riley Enters Her 20's (2018)

FEAR & SADNESS (in unison): hey where did everyone go

[Eric Allen Hatch @ericallenhatch]

When bae shames you into capitulating to their egocentrism by characterizing destructive hedonism as personal growth

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

@truegritrumble thanks again for this, PR! SUPER cool of you and some excellent company to be with!

[The Pale Space Rider @truegritrumble]

⚡️ “New Stars of Comedy 2016”

https://t.co/7b2XgtYPJ1

[Gentlemen Kittens @GentlemanKitten]

Dating is hard because, as a cat, I despise everything and everyone in this world and enjoy destruction very much. Plus I'm a cat.

[Sexy Vince (Top 100%) @mortimermaiden]

When nobody shows up to your duck feeding party

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

ME: hi, do you serve an order of fries big enough to potentially disrupt the axial tilt of the planet

FIVE GUYS CLERK: *rings up a Medium*

[batkaren (a/k/a kt roth) @batkaren]

You must have good credit because I have low interest.

[🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸 @WheelTod]

"You can hide but you can't run,"
-- Mama tortoise giving the lowdown to her kids

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

@WheelTod Hey Frank! This popped up in my feed & I got a couple that qualify - thanks, man!👍 https://t.co/cDzaKkdiVb https://t.co/SH4wqLpJdH

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

[showing friend my metal band]

just wait for the breakdown, its pretty sick

*music cuts and its suddenly just me sobbing uncontrollably*

[The Pale Space Rider @truegritrumble]

My favorite part about Christmas is when I'm visited by the three ghosts who tell me I'm ruining my life...like I don't already know 🙄.

[Bon Ivavra @john_vavra]

@john_vavra WOW, thanks for the trophy @JohnKWhite! I cant believe it, someone should "pinch me"--OH NO, NOT AGAIN https://t.co/959ANmSMso

[Adrenalin @adrenalindenver]

HER: [playfully] Wakey wakey, hands off snakey.
ME: *sigh* Oh alright.
SNAKEY: It's OK, pal. We've got all day.

[Adrenalin @adrenalindenver]

*approaches a girl, tips hat* M'lady.
*approaches a material girl, tips hat* M'donna.

[☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️ @AnOrangeSNES]

In Hell you're forced to sing happy birthday to people you don't know for eternity, or maybe that's just a double shift at Applebees.

[☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️ @AnOrangeSNES]

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Had a genetic deformity
And if you ever saw it
You would say DARWIN WAS LYING ABOUT EVOLUTION WAKE UP SHEEPLE

[Abam @AdamBroud]

Tiny Tim: God bless us

*thinks about people who send snaps privately that they also put in their story*

Tiny Tim: Nearly everyone

[marf @MarfSalvador]

[Holding up train]
Me: Give us your money

Cowboy: Put the train down you idiot!

Me: Fine *gets out tape* This is a stick up-

Cowboy: FFS