Monica Mattson

If you don't have anything nice to say, say it in 280 characters or less. Advertising. Comedy Writing. Stuffs.

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

Took a quiz and discovered my Spirit Animal was an older retiree who volunteers as a museum docent and overuses the word “fascinating.”

[Dom @DomGarrett]

Things we don’t talk about:

- Bruno
- Jada

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

Sleep training + teething + daylight saving time =

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

That rush you get as a parent when you think you hear crying and then check the monitor to find two kids fast asleep.

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

I feel like it’s my duty to inform every person out there who is even pondering the word “pregnancy,” get on a daycare waitlist immediately. Competition and/or wait times for these spots is no joke.

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

@cesart Where’s the lie?! 😂

[mary gross @maryfgross]

Don’t hire female creatives. They’ll just have babies and lose all their creativity.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

Shout out to libraries and library workers. We love and appreciate you 📚 that’s all

[Saeed Jones @theferocity]

what the fuck

[Female Copywriter @Femalcopywriter]

Gender neutral ways to start meetings:

-Hey Folks
-Hey Fucks

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

“Every time there’s a shooting” is definitely a phrase to start your defense of guns

[Moumita ✨⚡️✊🏾 @disruptionary]

Kylie Jenner, who makes $19K/hr asking for $$$ from her fans to help her make up artist pay for a $60,000 surgery, is an excellent example of why we need universal healthcare. Even billionaire employers like Kylie and Walmart aren’t willing to pay for their employees' healthcare.

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

You can tell how much I love my family by the fact that I am the only one who eats the bread heels AND I DON'T EVEN MENTION IT.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

If conservative Senate Dems institute a lower income threshold in the next round of checks, that could potentially mean the first round of checks under Trump help more people than the first round under Biden.

Do we want to do that? No? Then let’s stop playing & just help people.

[casual weekend mom @B20e]

I'm an ER Nurse in Seattle. Last night @SeattlePD officers came to the ER to obtain a statement from an assault patient. One officer, Eric Whitehead, blatantly refused to put a mask on while standing in a high-traffic hallway. There were covid positive pts in nearby rooms. 1/

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

So like everyone minus six senators are on the same side now? Yikes.

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

@CrystalPepsi Dang! @lauratellsjokes killed it this year!

[Monica Mattson @coronam]

I know I’m really showing my age with this question, but how in the world is “Joshua Giraffe” not part of Raffi’s Essentials Mix? The song is truly a work of art.

[John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner]

Currently obsessed with Leta Powell Drake, the greatest interviewer of all time.