Bnutz

Child of the 80's. Here to laugh and make others laugh!! Love being dad to my son-11 & daughter-8. Happily married to my highschool sweetheart

[Lazor @Lazor2828]

Viagra for women sounds fun!
I'd be sitting around screaming "take me to the ER, I've been squirting for 4 hours!"
Like a SuperSoaker.

[Bnutz @cpabry]

I'm guessing Donald Trump's reality show was called "The Apprentice" because "The Biggest Loser" was already taken.

[bananafanafofisa @lisaxy424]

My hips don't lie, but I don't trust my kneecaps one bit.

[Bnutz @cpabry]

Idea for a new reality TV show...

"Shark Tank"

...wait but with real sharks!

...wait but with real tanks!

[Bnutz @cpabry]

If your Amish and you don't open a dessert shop called "Frozen Yoders" what's the point?

[Bnutz @cpabry]

Twitter???

I hardly know her!!!

[Lovable Misanthrope @LaurelleMartin]

My boys are gamers and I'm single

It's like a race to see who can use the most batteries

[Lovable Misanthrope @LaurelleMartin]

I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina.

[∀LLEY C∀T @deardilettante]

Humpty Dumpty is my favourite nursery rhyme which teaches children that once life's broken you, you're fucked.

[Bnutz @cpabry]

If the Boogie Man would just admit he's gay and come out of the closet think of how many kids would be able to sleep with the lights off.

[Bnutz @cpabry]

Yeah so what if I shave my arms?

I have the right to bare arms it's in the constitution!

[Bnutz @cpabry]

They say dress for the job you want...

So I ask you how does one exactly dress like a "blow?"

[Bnutz @cpabry]

If you knead me...

-Dough

[Bnutz @cpabry]

Listen to the Greatest Podcast of All-Time...
Ok in Ohio...
Ok in Centerburg, OH.
It's my brother in-law & me shoot-n the shit @petenpals

[Super Randomish @SuperRandomish]

Why don't they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?

[Eve @lovemydogduck]

I think this tequila has a little text your ex in it.

[Bnutz @cpabry]

Really Disney? It's like you forgot the end of your own movie.
Why not sponsor "Old Yeller" shot gun shells instead?

[You know @Tmoney68]

If someone starts a sentence with "words can't express," brace yourself, because they're about to give it a hell of a try anyway.

[Lord James Alvarez @ObscureGent]

The most unbelievable thing about Die Hard is that the office Christmas Party is happening on Christmas Eve.